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Some people say it is important to keep your home tidy, with everything organised and in the correct place. What is your opinion about this. v.1

Some people say it is important to keep your home tidy, with everything organised and in the correct place. What is your opinion about this. v. 1
When the technology of one country improves, the typical abilities finished. Hence, it is not necessary to continue with this skills. However, I disagree with this statement, for the reason that there are some works that never will be able to replace for machines such as psychologists, politicians and teachers. The development of technology is a great input for a nation, because it allows to enhance our quality of life. The scientific advances are essential for having an easier life, also this helps with jobs that have abilities repetitive and easy to replace. For example, robot vacuum cleaners are a good invention for clean the house. Therefore, it is not necessary to hire a maid for tidy the home, thus it is possible to save money. On the other hand, some professions cannot be replaced for the technological advance, such as psychologists, politicians and teachers. Hence, the abilities that imply those works will never finish. Those skills are the comprehension, the understand of behaviour, and the ability to help to people, according their context. For example, I cannot imagine a robot as a psychologist try to give some advice to the population. In conclusion, traditional skills should be kept, despite the development of scientific advance. However, in some works is very useful in which their abilities are repetitive and easy to replace. Meanwhile, in other jobs are impossible die out their skills as a teacher, for example, because this career implies features that only a human can do as the emotions.
When the technology of one country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
, the typical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abilities
finished.
Hence
, it is not necessary to continue with
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
However
, I disagree with this statement, for the reason that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
works that never will be able to replace for machines such as psychologists, politicians and teachers.

The development of technology is a great input for a nation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
to enhance our quality of life. The scientific advances are essential for having an easier life,
also
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
with jobs that have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abilities
repetitive and easy to replace.
For example
, robot vacuum cleaners are a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
invention for clean the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
Therefore
, it is not necessary to hire a maid for tidy the home,
thus
it is possible to save money.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
professions cannot
be replaced
for the technological advance, such as psychologists, politicians and teachers.
Hence
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abilities
that imply those works will never finish. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are the comprehension, the
The word 'rebrand' is not a noun. Did you mean "understanding"?
understand
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, according their context.
For example
, I cannot imagine a robot as a psychologist try to give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advice to the population.

In conclusion
, traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
, despite the development of scientific advance.
However
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
works is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful in which their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abilities
are repetitive and easy to replace. Meanwhile, in other jobs are impossible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
out their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
as a teacher,
for example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this career implies features that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a human can do as the emotions.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Some people say it is important to keep your home tidy, with everything organised and in the correct place. What is your opinion about this. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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