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Some people say it is important to do something creative activities in their free time, however other people disagree. Discuss both view and give your own opinion.

Some people say it is important to do something creative activities in their free time, however other people disagree. nEwon
It is true that many group of people consider that people create something new when they have time is significant ideas but the other group of people believe it is not necessary. This essay will discuss a topic of how people spend their leisure time to do something. First of all, people should spend their free time on learning and doing new activities such as study language because if they obtain other language they will get high salary in their jobs. However, some people cannot afford this expenses. On the other hand, other people think it is not important for gain others. These people might like to spend time their same activities by doing this, they can get more expert than before. Therefore, these people can save a mount of money for some other necessary expenses. For example, some people have their own hobbies like doing exercise, so they can train other in the correct ways. It seem to me that some people like to learn something new. They tend to have a good quality in their work. In conclusion, in my opinion, I commonly agree with these people who think they should gain some creative activities when they have plenty of time as it is an advantages for career and life.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
create something new when they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe it is not necessary. This essay will discuss a topic of how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do something.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should spend their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on learning and doing new activities such as study language
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if they obtain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
language they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
high salary in their jobs.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot afford this expenses.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for gain others. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might like to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
their same activities by doing this, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more expert than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

Therefore
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can save a mount of money for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
necessary expenses.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
hobbies like doing exercise,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can train
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
in the correct ways.

It
Did you mean "seems"?
seem
to me that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to learn something new. They tend to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality in their work.

In conclusion
, in my opinion, I
commonly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they should gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
creative activities when they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
as it is
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "an advantage" or simply "advantages"?
an advantages
for career and life.

IELTS essay Some people say it is important to do something creative activities in their free time, however other people disagree.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
212 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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