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Some People Say History Is One Of The Most Important School Subjects

Some People Say History Is One Of The Most Important School Subjects PWowB
There is a controversial discussion about which subject should be of the greatest importance in school curriculum. Some people argue that history, which is about the past, should be viewed as the priority in primary education; whilst other people believe that Science and Technology are more critical. In my opinion, despite the fact that history should be taught as a compulsory subject, practical courses about science and technology are more crucial for students’ future development. There is no denying the fact that history helps young people understand their culture and gives them identity. The young generation can grasp an in-depth understanding about how their culture and country have evolved over the centuries from studying history. Meanwhile, it gives young people a sense of belonging. For example, in China, students study history which is dated back / which dates back to 1000 BC and they feel honoured about the ancient Chinese civilisation. Therefore, I believe history is an important way for people to remember the past and discover their cultural identities. Although history is still needed in school curriculum, science and technology related subjects are of the paramount importance because they can greatly enhance students’ career development. In this era, students who are equipped with profound knowledge in the field of advanced technology or science are popular in the job market. In fact, very few history students can find a good job. A survey conducted by Harvard University shows that the employment rate of students majoring in computer science is 30% higher than that of students having history degrees. It is clear that learning Science and Technology will give students a head start and helps them become successful in their career. This can be viewed as the most important outcome for most families and modern education. In conclusion, this essay agrees with the argument that schools as well as students should devote more resources and time to Science and Technology. Meanwhile, history should still be maintained as a mandatory topic for every student. In this way, students will not only be equipped with knowledge about their culture and identity but also be educated with the most critical knowledge in the future job market.
There is a controversial discussion about which subject should be of the greatest importance in school curriculum.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
, which is about the past, should
be viewed
as the priority in primary education; whilst other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
are more critical. In my opinion, despite the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
should
be taught
as a compulsory subject, practical courses about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
are more crucial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
future development.

There is no denying the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
understand their culture and gives them identity. The young generation can grasp an in-depth understanding about how their culture and country have evolved over the centuries from studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
. Meanwhile, it gives young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a sense of belonging.
For example
, in China,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
which
is dated
back / which dates back to 1000
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
BC and
they feel
Possible spelling mistake. 'honoured' is British English.
honoured
about the ancient Chinese
Possible spelling mistake. 'civilisation' is British English.
civilisation
.
Therefore
, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to remember the past and discover their cultural identities.

Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is
still
needed in school curriculum,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
related subjects are of the paramount importance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
greatly
enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
career development. In this era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
are equipped
with profound knowledge in the field of advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
are popular in the job market. In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can find a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job.

A survey conducted by Harvard University
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the employment rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
majoring in computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
is 30% higher than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
degrees. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
will give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
a head
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them become successful in their career. This can
be viewed
as the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
outcome for most families and modern education.

In conclusion
, this essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the argument that schools
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should devote more resources and time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
. Meanwhile,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
should
still
be maintained
as a mandatory topic for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
. In this way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be equipped
with knowledge about their culture and identity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
be educated
with the most critical knowledge in the future job market.

IELTS essay Some People Say History Is One Of The Most Important School Subjects

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
362 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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