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Some people say history is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like science and technology are more important than history. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people say history is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like science and technology are more important than history. 0ApBQ
It is said that History is one of the most essential subjects at school and on the contrary some people say Science and Technology are more significant than History. This essay will discuss about this topic and shares some opinions. First of all, History is intreguing subject and everyone should know about their ancestors. However in our modern world one is in need of a knowledge of high technology for the reason that many things are belonged to electronic devices today. So to do something or earn, people have to know at least how to use these technologies. Secondly a person should learn history in order to define how they become so intelligent, how humanity reached today's success or just to respect their ancestors. But people need technology and science to develop and discover new unopened secrets of the world, besides that these subjects serve to make better and more easier beautiful life for humanity. With the help of phones people can talk to or share datas to other people who live another city or country, it occur easily and quickly. To summarize up, it should be said that government need to support for those two subjects more, just because if future. The world population is increasing year by year, to feed them, to employ them we have to create good condition from today, certainly we don't have to. .
It
is said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
is one of the most essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
at school and
on the contrary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say Science and Technology are more significant than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
. This essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss this"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about this
topic and shares
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
opinions.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
intreguing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
and everyone should know about their ancestors.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
in our modern world one is in need of a knowledge of high technology for the reason that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things
are belonged
to electronic devices
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
to do something or earn,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
know at least how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these technologies.

Secondly
a person should learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
in order to define how they become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
intelligent, how humanity reached
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's success or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to respect their ancestors.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need technology and science to develop and discover new unopened secrets of the world,
besides
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
serve to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
better and
Use only "easier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more easier
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
life for humanity. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of phones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can talk to or share
Possible spelling mistake found.
datas
to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
another city or country, it
Did you mean "occurs"?
occur
easily
and
quickly
.

To summarize
up, it should
be said
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
need to support for those two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
more,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if future. The world population is increasing year by year, to feed them, to employ them we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
create
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
condition from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
certainly
we don't
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
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IELTS essay Some people say history is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like science and technology are more important than history.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
230 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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