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Some people prefer to stay in the same job for the same company, but others prefer to change jobs frequently. Discuss v.1

Some people prefer to stay in the same job for the same company, but others prefer to change jobs frequently. Discuss v. 1
It is often argued by parents that their kids should have a mobile phone while some do not agree with this viewpoint. In my opinion this device has become integral part of human life as it is the most efficient way of communication besides children’s can use it for studying if used only for the right purpose. Nowadays, many parents are purchasing the mobile device for their kids, especially for teenagers as they are travelling to schools that are far away from home or staying in hostel. Due to the phone, parents or children’s can easily communicate with each other on button click. In addition, due the modern technology, mobile phones can also help them in studying. This handset can perform all the activities of computer like, surfing the internet, watching educational videos, also it is possible to create power point presentation through phones. However, teenagers do not use the phones for studying instead they use it for playing games. The mobile phones mostly used for running social media application like Facebook, Instagram. Even the 4 to 5 years old kids nowadays, want mobile phones. This can be most harmful to them as continuous use of phone can damage the eyes or they can use it to play violent and dangerous games like Bluewhale, this game in 2014 motivated the teenagers to commit suicide as a task. In conclusion, Use of the mobile phone has its own benefit as well as hazardous effect. As stated use of this device has more benefits like communication, but also has many disadvantages. Parents should guide their youngster's to take the benefit of this technology along with providing them safety instructions.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
that their kids should have a mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this viewpoint. In my opinion this device has become integral part of human life as it is the most efficient way of communication
besides
children’s can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it for studying if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the right purpose.

Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are purchasing the mobile device for their kids,
especially
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
as they are travelling to schools that are far away from home or staying in hostel. Due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or children’s can
easily
communicate with each other on button click.
In addition
, due the modern technology, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in studying. This handset can perform all the activities of computer like, surfing the internet, watching educational videos,
also
it is possible to create
Did you mean "PowerPoint" (= Microsoft presentation software)?
power point
presentation through phones.

However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
for studying
instead
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it for playing games. The mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for running social media application like Facebook, Instagram. Even the 4 to 5 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
kids nowadays, want mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
. This can be most harmful to them as continuous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
can damage the
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
eyes or
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it to play violent and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
games like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bluewhale
, this game in 2014 motivated the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to commit suicide as a task.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Use
of the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefit
as well
as hazardous effect. As stated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of this device has more benefits like communication,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should guide their youngster's to take the benefit of this technology along with providing them safety instructions.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Some people prefer to stay in the same job for the same company, but others prefer to change jobs frequently. Discuss v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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