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Some people prefer to be self employed,whereas others like working for companies or institutions.Which is a better approach ?

Some people prefer to be self employed, whereas others like working for companies or institutions. Which is a better approach? GMlMB
Nowadays, professional career takes a crucial part in people’s life, For this reason, individuals argue about wheter it is preferable to work for you own profit or to take part of a company or institutions. This essay will discuss both assertions and put forward my opinion which is working for a company is more advantegous than working for our own selves. From the one hand, due to a high availability of agencies that helps people to create start ups, people have been thinking lately about creating easily their own projects, in different fields, whether the one that they have been studying at school or simply the one that they already exist such us restaurants, cafés and, shops. However, this can be very challenging because in order to let a project succeed, you have to get a reliable experience, not only this, but you ought to network in order to advertise your services and activities so you can get customers who can trust you. For instance, when I was at my second year of the university, I was thinking about creating my own recruitment agency, but, I found it extremely difficult due to lack of experience and portfolio. From the other hand, working in a company can be extremely fruitful for one’s professional career, because first you come to the company as a beginner, then highly experienced staff start explaining to you, the duties that you will be responsible of during your training that usually takes 6 months as maximum, in this period, you get to know people from different departments who can assist you and cooperate after your training period, whenever you need help from them. Furthemore, the company has already a customer portfolio that you can work with, so you skip the part of advertising and prospecting new clients, However, you can still work to improve the quality of service given in order to fidelize existing customers in your company. To sum up, In my humble opinion, people should think about gathering information and experience in a specific domain, in a large or small company as a first step before thinking about creating an own project, because usually people rush up to create them but then end up wih failure due to lack or good organisation or financial problems.
Nowadays, professional career takes a crucial part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
life,
For this reason
, individuals argue about
Possible spelling mistake found.
wheter
it is preferable to work for you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
profit or to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
or institutions. This essay will discuss both assertions and put forward my opinion which is working for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is more
Possible spelling mistake found.
advantegous
than working for our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
selves.

From the one hand, due to a high availability of agencies that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to create
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
start ups
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have been thinking lately about creating
easily
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
projects, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fields, whether the one that they have been studying at school or
simply
the one that they already exist such us restaurants, cafés and, shops.
However
, this can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
challenging
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
a project succeed, you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a reliable experience, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
you ought to network in order to advertise your services and activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
customers who can trust you.
For instance
, when I was at my second year of the university, I was thinking about creating my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
recruitment agency,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, I found it
extremely
difficult due to lack of experience and portfolio.

From the other hand, working in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
can be
extremely
fruitful for one’s professional career,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
first
you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
as a beginner, then
highly
experienced staff
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
explaining to you, the duties that you will be
The usual collocations for "responsible" is "responsible for". Did you mean "responsible for" or "in charge of"?
responsible of
during your training that
usually
takes 6 months as maximum, in this period, you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
departments who can assist you and cooperate after your training period, whenever you need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from them.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Furthemore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
has already a customer portfolio that you can work with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
you skip the part of advertising and prospecting new clients,
However
, you can
still
work to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality of service
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in order to
Possible spelling mistake found.
fidelize
existing customers in your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

To sum up, In my humble opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about gathering information and experience in a specific domain, in a large or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
as a
first
step
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
thinking about creating an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
project,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rush up to create them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up
Possible spelling mistake found.
wih
failure due to lack or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
or financial problems.
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IELTS essay Some people prefer to be self employed, whereas others like working for companies or institutions. Which is a better approach?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
380 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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