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Some people participate in extracurricular activities such as volunteering in charitable events or joining dance groups to gain more knowledge and experience. Other simply or work. Which do you think helps in improving a person's knowledge and experience and why?

Nowadays, many people preferred to participate in others activities such as volunteering in charitable programs or joining dance groups to get more knowledge and experience while others like to simply or their work. Hence, my opinion is that extracurricular activities are gives more knowledge and this essay shall be discussed both view in further. To begin with positive, there is no suspicion that, extracurricular work pay extra experience and knowledge because this extra activity like dancing, volunteering and other sports are learned many things to the people. For an example, in volunteering work, people can be more socialized on that time and they meet many other people and shared their knowledge through the meetings and in which, people can learn leadership, team work, management and many others things which is helps to the people their daily life. Moreover, dancing trend are more increasing in society nowadays. More and more people joining dancing groups and dancing their relatives weddings and other particular programs. A part from that a numbers of people Hobbies are dancing. So, they can made carriers in dancing through participate in world dancing championships and many others dancing problems like dance India dance, Indians best dancer etc. On flip side, many people in the society who's lives life simply. They live their life by doing their job. They have no interested in some others work such as dance, volunteers, sports etc. Only they focus on their job, business and goals. They acquired more and more knowledge from one particular work and make life successful to achieve their goals. For an example, Ratan Tata, A owner of Tata group in India. He concentrated on their business only and become richest person in India. In conclusion, a person can aquaire knowledge by doing their work and also get more experience to participate in some other activities like dancing, volunteering work, sports etc. Thus, this other activities can be proved helpful in people life.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
preferred to participate in others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteering
in charitable programs or joining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dance
groups to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and experience while others like to
simply
or their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Hence
, my opinion is that extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are gives more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and this essay shall
be discussed
both view in
further
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
, there is no suspicion that, extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
pay extra experience and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dancing
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteering
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sports
are learned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. For an example, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be more socialized on that
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
time and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and shared their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
through the meetings and in which,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can learn leadership, team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, management and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others things which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
their daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dancing
trend are more increasing in society nowadays. More and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
joining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dancing
groups and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dancing
their relatives weddings and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
particular programs.
The adverb or adjective “apart” (= separated, divided) is spelled as one word.
A part
from that
The plural noun “numbers” cannot be used with the article “a”. Did you mean “a number” or “numbers”?
a numbers
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Hobbies are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dancing
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they can
The modal verb ‘can’ requires the verb’s base form.
made
carriers in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dancing
through participate in world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dancing
championships and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dancing
problems like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dance
India
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dance
,
A determiner is probably missing here: “Indians the best”.
Indians best
dancer etc.

On flip side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the society
Did you mean “whose”?
who's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
simply
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
by doing their job. They have
In this context, the correct negation is “not”.
no
interested in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dance
, volunteers, sports etc.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
they focus on their job, business and goals. They acquired more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
from one particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
successful to achieve their goals. For an example,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ratan
Tata, A owner of Tata group in India. He concentrated on their business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
and become
A determiner is probably missing here: “the richest”.
richest
person in India.

In conclusion
, a person can
Possible spelling mistake found.
aquaire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
by doing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more experience to participate in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dancing
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, sports etc.
Thus
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can
be proved
helpful in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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IELTS essay Some people participate in extracurricular activities such as volunteering in charitable events or joining dance groups to gain more knowledge and experience. Other simply or work. Which do you think helps in improving a person's knowledge and experience and why?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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