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some people participate in extracurricular activities such as volunteering in charitable events or joining dance groups to gain more knowledge and experience others simply focus on their goals such as academic subjects or work which do you think helps in improving a person's knowledge and experience.?Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

There has been an accelerating trend of people taking part in extra-curricular activities such as volunteering in charitable events or becoming a dancer in some crew in order to gain more knowledge. But there are others who simply focus on their goals through academic learning or work. From my perspective, participating in after-school activities helps broaden a person’s horizons and experience. Without a doubt, extra-curricular activities play a significant role in our lives, we can achieve extraordinary value from it. Additionally, through these activities, lots of skill such as team spirit, teamwork, cooperation could be obtained. Furthermore, people are volunteering in charitable events which help exposing their compassion, developing their event management skills. Some attend in seminars, increasing their communication skills, concentration power to diminish the stage fear. On the other hand, some sections of the population believe that academic studies and work should be focused to gain knowledge. Because they deem that other activities will distract us and keeps us away from our goals. It is certainly true, but taking part in other activities is also crucial. For instance, academic learning is vital for them, but social skills, which could be obtained through activities, are also needed for a brighter future but they are not provided in schools. To illustrate, normally, the teacher does not teach you how to lead a group of people or organize a charity event. Additionally, students can easily get bored with studying and these activities act as an efficient stress reliever method. In conclusion, many skills are essential in order for one person to meet their goals, these skills can be achieved through various kinds of extra-curricular activities. As my perspective, participating in multi-occupation is better than focusing on learning only.
There has been an accelerating trend of
people
taking part in extra-curricular
activities
such as volunteering in charitable
events
or becoming a dancer in
some
crew in order to gain more knowledge.
But
there are others who
simply
focus on their goals
through
academic learning or work. From my perspective, participating in after-school
activities
helps
broaden a person’s horizons and experience.

Without a doubt, extra-curricular
activities
play a significant role in our
lives
, we can achieve extraordinary value from it.
Additionally
,
through
these
activities
, lots of
skill
such as team spirit, teamwork, cooperation could
be obtained
.
Furthermore
,
people
are volunteering in charitable
events
which
help
exposing
their compassion, developing their
event
management
skills
.
Some
attend in seminars, increasing their communication
skills
, concentration power to diminish the stage fear.

On the
other
hand,
some
sections of the population believe that academic studies and work should
be focused
to gain knowledge.
Because
they deem that
other
activities
will distract us and
keeps
us away from our goals. It is
certainly
true,
but
taking part in
other
activities
is
also
crucial.
For instance
, academic learning is vital for them,
but
social
skills
, which could
be obtained
through
activities
, are
also
needed for a brighter future
but
they are not provided in schools. To illustrate,
normally
, the teacher does not teach you how to lead a group of
people
or organize a charity
event
.
Additionally
, students can
easily
get
bored with studying and these
activities
act as an efficient
stress
reliever method.

In conclusion
,
many
skills
are essential in order for one person to
meet
their goals, these
skills
can
be achieved
through
various kinds of extra-curricular
activities
. As my perspective, participating in multi-occupation is better than focusing on learning
only
.
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IELTS essay some people participate in extracurricular activities such as volunteering in charitable events or joining dance groups to gain more knowledge and experience others simply focus on their goals such as academic subjects or work which do you think helps in improving a person's knowledge and experience. ? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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