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Some people participate in extra‐curricular activities such as volunteering in charitable events or joining dance groups to gain more knowledge and experience. Others simply focus on their goals such as academic studies or work. Which do you think helps in improving a person’s knowledge and experience and why?

To some people, having clarified future plans and organise their times and energies in order to achieve that plans are the only crucial direction they could lead their lives. But the same idea does not apply for all people. Some people enjoy having other interests in life other than work and goals, therefore they can optimise the efficiency they can get from life. In the essay below, I shall try to explain my point of view on the matter. The famous saying, "seize the moment" expresses that every minute that we have is valuable and it would be a waste not to live to the fullest. Moreover, interesting in other aspects of life not only helps individuals to enjoy themselves but also provides them different experiences that a formal, curricular education or professional work life can not. Having an ideal life image and making efforts to realise it is a natural tendency for individuals. However, putting too much focus on being successful could get people stressed. Besides, having a certain goal in life and in the process not paying attention to other details life has to offer could leave people depressed and lonely at the end. On the other hand, taking a role in charity events, having hobbies could expand people's perspectives. Hence, they can be better at interacting to each other and could treat to one another more emphatically. More to the point, the Knowledges that has gained from informal sources could also provide the required knowledge for their main goals and interest. For instance, taking theatre classes helps to gain further understanding for a person who works on human resources department. In conclusion, in every aspect of life, there are various resources that can help us improve ourselves. It is not wise to focusing only some parts of it. Because this way, it would not only mean losing unpredictable opportunities but also taking the risk of ending up feeling isolated and aimless.
To
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some
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people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
clarified future plans and
Possible spelling mistake. ‘organise’ is British English.
organise
their times and energies in order to achieve that plans are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
crucial direction they could lead their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
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But
the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
does not apply for all
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people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
interests in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
than work and goals,
therefore
they can
Possible spelling mistake. ‘optimise’ is British English.
optimise
the efficiency they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. In the essay below, I shall try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my point of view on the matter.

The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
saying,
Use a smart opening quote here.
"
seize the moment
Use a smart closing quote here.
"
expresses that every minute that we have is
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
valuable and
it would be a waste not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
to the fullest.
Moreover
, interesting in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
individuals to enjoy themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
provides them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
experiences that a formal, curricular education or professional work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
can not.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Having
an ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
image and making efforts to
Possible spelling mistake. ‘realise’ is British English.
realise
it is a natural tendency for individuals.
However
, putting too much focus on being successful could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a certain goal in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and in the process not paying attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
offer could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
depressed and lonely at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, taking a role in charity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
hobbies could expand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's perspectives.
Hence
, they can be better at interacting to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and could treat to one another more
emphatically
. More to the point, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Knowledges
that has gained from informal sources could
also
provide the required knowledge for their main goals and interest.
For instance
, taking
Possible spelling mistake. ‘theatre’ is British English.
theatre
classes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to gain
further
understanding for a person who works on human resources department.

In conclusion
, in every aspect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, there are various resources that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
ourselves. It is not wise to
Did you mean “focus”?
focusing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
this way, it would not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
mean losing unpredictable opportunities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
taking the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of ending up feeling isolated and aimless.
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IELTS essay Some people participate in extra‐curricular activities such as volunteering in charitable events or joining dance groups to gain more knowledge and experience. Others simply focus on their goals such as academic studies or work. Which do you think helps in improving a person’s knowledge and experience and why?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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