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Some people find history a fascinating subject. other say it is dull and has no place in modern life. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people find history a fascinating subject. other say it is dull and has no place in modern life. v. 1
Money can buy almost everything. Many people believe that cash is the finest present for the youngsters, while some are against it. This essay will discuss why money as a gift has its benefits, but why this is not the best gift for the teenagers. On the one hand, They can buy whatever they want from that money. The giver does not have to think before buying a present that what he or she should buy. Teenagers will use those banknotes to fulfil their daily needs. For example, hostel students are who need the bank balance most, because they need them to pay their tuition fees, tiffin fees, library fees and rent, so with the available balance they can manage their expenses so easily. On the other hand, giving cash directly to them would cause problems. At this age, they are not mature enough that they can understand the value of funds. This stage of life is made for enjoyment, for them, so they will spend money lavishly without even thinking a single time. Their parents are supporting them in every place, so they will spend it without hesitating. For example, a study conducted by the University of Alberta in 2002 shows that the age group of 16 years to 18 years are the most careless persons about the expenses they use, they utilize bills mostly for partying. In conclusion, this essay discussed the two sides of the statement and in my opinion cash is not the best gift for youngsters, while books, clothes and some other needed stuffs are. Giving them bills directly will make them careless.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
almost everything.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that cash is the finest present for the youngsters, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are against it. This essay will discuss why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as a gift has its benefits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
why this is not the best gift for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.

On the one hand, They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
whatever they want from that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. The giver does not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
buying a present that what he or she should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
those banknotes to fulfil their daily needs.
For example
, hostel students are who need the bank balance most,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they need them to pay their tuition fees,
Possible spelling mistake found.
tiffin
fees, library fees and rent,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
with the available balance they can manage their expenses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
easily
.

On the other hand
, giving cash
directly
to them would cause problems. At this age, they are not mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
that they can understand the value of funds. This stage of life
is made
for enjoyment, for them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
lavishly
without even thinking a single time. Their parents are supporting them in every place,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will spend it without hesitating.
For example
, a study conducted by the University of Alberta in 2002
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the age group of 16 years to 18 years are the most careless persons about the expenses they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
, they utilize bills
mostly
for partying.

In conclusion
, this essay discussed the two sides of the statement and in my opinion cash is not the best gift for youngsters, while books, clothes and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other needed stuffs are. Giving them bills
directly
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them careless.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people find history a fascinating subject. other say it is dull and has no place in modern life. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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