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Some people fail in school, but end up being successful in life. Why do you think that is the case? What is most important thing to succeed in life?

Some people fail in school, but end up being successful in life. Why do you think that is the case? What is the most important thing to succeed in life? v. 16
Nowadays, the people who are successful in their life used to failures in school. Although there are several reasons for this, but the most important one is business. However, there are some essential factors other than school to success. Despite that some successful people failed in school but it did not cause a threat in their life and this mainly attributed by many reasons. Firstly, business is one of the keys of having life filled with success. When a person starts a business that does nothing with what have been taught in school such as biology, literature and math, he or she will definitely end up with a successful life and earn a numerous number of moneys. For example, Kylie Jenner who opened her own business with make-up is now the youngest billionaire out there, even though her grades were around 65 in high school. Secondly, fame can also lead to a successful life. High grades have no impact if a person is talented at something. In other words, singing, acting or dancing is mainly about innated skills rather than divisions, graphs and powers. To illustrate, a recent survey conducted by JJ Magazine has said that 30% of the American celebrities were not even attending their classes. Furthermore, hard work and widen information from professionals will contribute to success. Although there are people who are not educated, but when they truly work on themselves and gather many experiences from others that are wealth with knowledge it will definitely be helpful in their life and lead them to success. A good illustration on this is Tom Johnson, a poor man who worked with the manager of amazon for years as a waitress, now became deputy general manager of amazon after earning the experience from his environmental job. In conclusion, working hard is one of the most essential factors to to succeed in life. In addition, school is important in people’s life, nevertheless, it is not the only way to a successful life. In my perspective, schools are completely useless, because in the current time business in the easiest way to live in a luxury life.
Nowadays, the
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people
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who
are
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successful
in their
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life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to failures in
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school
. Although there are several reasons for this,
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but
the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
one is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
essential factors other than
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school
to success.

Despite that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
failed in
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school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it did not cause a threat in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and this
mainly
attributed by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
is one of the keys of having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
filled with success. When a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
that does nothing with what have
been taught
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
such as biology, literature and math, he or she will definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and earn a numerous number of moneys.
For example
, Kylie Jenner
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who
opened her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
-up is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
the youngest billionaire out there,
even though
her grades were around 65 in high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Secondly
, fame can
also
lead to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. High grades have no impact if a person
is talented
at something.
In other words
, singing, acting or dancing is
mainly
about
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innated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
rather
than divisions, graphs and powers. To illustrate, a recent survey conducted by
Possible spelling mistake found.
JJ
Magazine has said that 30% of the American celebrities were not even attending their classes.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and widen information from professionals will contribute to success. Although there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are not educated,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when they
truly
work on themselves and gather
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
experiences from others that are wealth with knowledge it will definitely be helpful in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and lead them to success. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration on this is Tom Johnson, a poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
worked with the manager of
Possible spelling mistake found.
amazon
for years as a waitress,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
became deputy general manager of
Possible spelling mistake found.
amazon
after earning the experience from his environmental job.

In conclusion
, working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
is one of the most essential factors
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to to
succeed in
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life
.
In addition
,
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school
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in
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people’s
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life
,
nevertheless
, it is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
my perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are completely useless,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
in the easiest way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a luxury
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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IELTS essay Some people fail in school, but end up being successful in life. Why do you think that is the case? What is most important thing to succeed in life?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
354 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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