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Due to the influence of worldwide media such as television and computers, the gap between cultures is decreasing. The introduction of this global culture is a great benefit to the world. To what extent do you agree with this viewpoint? v.1

Due to the influence of worldwide media such as television and computers, the gap between cultures is decreasing. The introduction of this global culture is a great benefit to the world. v. 1
It is no doubt true that technology has reduced the size of the world. To this effect, some are considering global culture has been beneficial to the continent. In my opinion, I totally disagree because it makes the place boring and the economy could be laid back. Firstly, imbibing a single custom globally could make the entire land uninteresting. That is to say, nothing would fascinate anyone on the other side of one's present location. Although in the past and currently, people looked and are looking forward to going to places to explore the tradition of others but, when this is synchronized, the excitement and morale would be deadened. Due to these unpleasant outcomes, it would be preferable to continue to have diversities of culture. Lastly, the financial status of the world might crumble. In other words, funds realised from tourism as a result of people travelling to places will decline when culture is amalgamated. Since there would not be any new experience on the other side, neither an excitement not fin to catch, citizens will remain where they are and a huge amount of money will be lost as this unfolds. For instance, the Ministry of Tourism in Nigeria reported that the money Nigerians spend on travelling alone is about 65%of the total budget for the year. Therefore, the countries enjoying these funds would longer do when the harmonization is affected, hence, a decrease in the economy of such places. In conclusion, in spite of people's views about the importance of globalization of the traditions I have a contrary opinion because of the fact that traditions will be extinguished the and it might be a disservice to the economy.
It is no doubt true that technology has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the size of the world. To this effect,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are considering global culture has been beneficial to the continent. In my opinion, I
totally
disagree
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the place boring and the economy could
be laid
back.

Firstly
, imbibing a single custom globally could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the entire land uninteresting.
That is
to say, nothing would fascinate anyone on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side of one's present location. Although in the past and
currently
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
looked and are looking forward to going to places to explore the tradition of others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, when this
is synchronized
, the excitement and morale would
be deadened
. Due to these unpleasant outcomes, it would be preferable to continue to have diversities of culture.

Lastly
, the financial status of the world might crumble. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, funds
Possible spelling mistake. 'realised' is British English.
realised
from tourism
as a result
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
travelling to places will decline when culture
is amalgamated
. Since there would not be any new experience on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side, neither an excitement not fin to catch, citizens will remain where they are and a huge amount of money will
be lost
as this unfolds.
For instance
, the Ministry of Tourism in Nigeria reported that the money Nigerians spend on travelling alone is about 65%of the total budget for the year.
Therefore
, the countries enjoying these funds would longer do when the harmonization is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
,
hence
, a decrease in the economy of such places.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's views about the importance of globalization of the traditions I have a contrary opinion
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
because of the fact that
traditions will
be extinguished
the and it might be a disservice to the economy.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Due to the influence of worldwide media such as television and computers, the gap between cultures is decreasing. The introduction of this global culture is a great benefit to the world. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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