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Some people concerned that young people spend their free time in shopping malls.It could be a negative effect or society. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people concerned that young people spend their free time in shopping malls. It could be a negative effect or society. g5W31
Back in the day people go shopping to buy things that they need. However in this day and age shopping is done for leisure purposes. Making people spend money on non essential things. Most people have an 8am to 6 pm job, 9 hours is spent working in the office or field on weekdays. Since the only free time they have is on the weekend it is such a short time to spend on vacation or travel. So most people opted to go shopping on nearby malls or shopping district as they do not need to spend much time and money on transportation. Even if the cost is high spending time with family and friends and having a good time compensate to the money spent in these activities. In a developed city it is easy to spot restaurants and stores, though the price of food or items can be expensive, the feeling of being able to relax and relieve stress is priceless. Same goes when travelling people use their time and spend more money eating in a local restaurant or shopping for souvenirs to make the best out of their trip. Then they work hard to have the money so they can do this again. Travelling and shopping has become a lifestyle. To sum up, it is important that people put value on the hard earned money but also enjoy the fruit of their labor by finding time to relax and destress. It might be in the form of shopping or travelling.
Back in the day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things that they need.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
in this day and age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is done
for leisure purposes. Making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non essential
things.

Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
8am to 6 pm job, 9 hours
is spent
working in the office or field on weekdays. Since the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they have is on the weekend it is such a short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
on vacation or travel.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opted to go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
on nearby malls or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
district as they do not need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on transportation. Even if the cost is high spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with family and friends and having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
compensate to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
spent in these activities. In a developed city it is easy to spot restaurants and stores, though the price of food or items can be

expensive, the feeling of being able to relax and relieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
is priceless.

Same goes when travelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
eating in a local restaurant or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
for souvenirs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the best out of their trip. Then they work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can do this again. Travelling and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has become a lifestyle.

To sum up, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
put value on the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
hard earned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
enjoy the fruit of their labor by finding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to relax and
Possible spelling mistake found.
destress
. It might be in the form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
or travelling.
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IELTS essay Some people concerned that young people spend their free time in shopping malls. It could be a negative effect or society.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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