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Some people claim that immigrants should adopt the local culture when they arrive in a new country. Others think that they should maintain their culture instead. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some people claim that immigrants should adopt the local culture when they arrive in a new country. Others think that they should maintain their culture instead. Discuss both views and give your opinion wM2Vn
These days, more and more people are moving to new countries to begin a new life. Some argue that these newcomers should take on the local customs, while others believe they should preserve their heritage. I strongly believe that assimilation into the target culture is key for a nation to function as one in order to succeed. A prosperous country utilizes the power of its people. As such, its citizenry must strive for common goals, which are to become strong, economically secure, and free from outside influence. This happens by creating a communal feeling among the residents. For example, Americans subscribe the melting pot, a concept that emphasizes being American first and Asian, African, or other identity second. Consequently, everyone can be an equal, proud member of the nation and collectively propel it forward. In contrast, focusing on maintaining one’s past traditions makes the goals of the nation becomes secondary. Another reason to assimilate is to speed up one’s integration into the system by finding a job, making friends, establishing a social safety net, and so on. This begins with language and customs. If one communicates effectively, he can build up his new life successfully. To illustrate, consider the second generation of immigrants; these young people were raised on the local culture, speak the language fluently, and tend to advance further than their parents. This suggests that if the latter had adapted to their new home more quickly rather than holding on to their past, they might have been more successful. Indeed, they did not principally emigrate to another country to conserve or promote their cultures and traditions, but in pursuit of better living conditions. In conclusion, while one’s heritage is important, it can be detrimental to one’s ability to integrate into a new culture and contribute to its success. Therefore, immigrants should quickly adapt to their new homes.
These days, more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are moving to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
countries to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
argue that these newcomers should take on the local customs, while others believe they should preserve their heritage. I
strongly
believe that assimilation into the target
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
is key for a nation to function as one in order to succeed.

A prosperous country utilizes the power of its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. As such, its citizenry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
strive for common goals, which are to become strong,
economically
secure, and free from outside influence. This happens by creating a communal feeling among the residents.
For example
, Americans subscribe the melting pot, a concept that emphasizes being American
first
and Asian, African, or other identity second.
Consequently
, everyone can be an equal, proud member of the nation and
collectively
propel it forward.
In contrast
, focusing on maintaining one’s past traditions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the goals of the nation becomes secondary.

Another reason to assimilate is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
speed up
one’s integration into the system by finding a job, making friends, establishing a social safety net, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
with language and customs. If one communicates
effectively
, he can build up his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
life
successfully
. To illustrate, consider the second generation of immigrants; these young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were raised
on the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, speak the language
fluently
, and tend to advance
further
than their parents. This suggests that if the latter had adapted to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
home more
quickly
rather
than holding on to their past, they might have been more successful.
Indeed
, they did not
principally
emigrate to another country to conserve or promote their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and traditions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in pursuit of better living conditions.

In conclusion
, while one’s heritage is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, it can be detrimental to one’s ability to integrate into a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and contribute to its success.
Therefore
, immigrants should
quickly
adapt to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
homes.
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IELTS essay Some people claim that immigrants should adopt the local culture when they arrive in a new country. Others think that they should maintain their culture instead. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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