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Some people belive that studying at University or college is the best route to a successful careerwhile others belive that is better to get job straight after school.

Some people belive that studying at University or college is the best route to a successful careerwhile others belive that is better to get job straight after school. 56bkA
A number of people believe that the college or University qualifications enable someone to reach their careers, while others think that children will be capable of achieving satisfaction on their careers, if they get a job after leaving school. In my view, it is better to study at University or college to find a well-paid job and it will be dissected in the further essay. On the one hand, there are several benefits to working after leaving school. Firstly, juniors may have a chance to be engaged in their dream job. If young adults focus effort on learning work, they may be able to improve their experience. Since, they might have an opportunity to work with expertises. As a result, they will get to the top among colleagues. Secondly, this may be beneficial for their families owing to the fact that there are not extra costs to study. Consequently, parents can be capable of purchasing everything and travelling abroad, though they do not work hard. Furthermore, this can lead to healthy lifestyle. My parent's family can be the best example for the situation. Since, my friends and her siblings worked after leaving school. That is why the family can travel abroad every year and the health of their parents is extremely good compared to that of my parents. On the other hand, it is the best way to study at University or college. There will be clear guarantees to find a high-powered job, if you graduate from a university or college. Moreover, graduates might reach high position faster as contrasted with workers who have not any qualifications. For instance, Islam Karimov is our first president. Although his father was an inexperienced factory worker, he he was able to provide his children to study. As a result, Islam Karimov was promoted to the post of minister after graduating from two Universities. In conclusion, majorities think that juniors should continue their education with getting University or college qualifications, while some believe that it is better to get a job after leaving school. In my opinion, if children want to reach the sophisticated way of life, they should be graduates of a university or college.
A number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the college or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
qualifications enable someone to reach their careers, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that children will be capable of achieving satisfaction on their careers, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
after leaving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. In my view, it is better to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
or college to find a well-paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and it will
be dissected
in the
further
essay.

On the one hand, there are several benefits to working after leaving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Firstly
, juniors may have a chance to
be engaged
in their dream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. If young adults focus effort on learning work, they may be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their experience.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
, they might have an opportunity to work with expertises.
As a result
, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to the top among colleagues.
Secondly
, this may be beneficial for their families owing to the fact that there are not extra costs to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
Consequently
, parents can be capable of purchasing everything and travelling abroad, though they do not work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.
Furthermore
, this can lead to healthy lifestyle. My parent's family can be the best example for the situation. Since, my friends and her siblings worked after leaving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
That is
why the family can travel abroad every year and the health of their parents is
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
compared to that of my parents.

On the other hand
, it is the best way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
or college. There will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
guarantees to find a high-powered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, if you graduate from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
or college.
Moreover
, graduates might reach high position faster as contrasted with workers who have not any qualifications.
For instance
, Islam
Possible spelling mistake found.
Karimov
is our
first
president. Although his father was an inexperienced factory worker,
Possible typo: you repeated a word
he he
was able to provide his children to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
As a result
, Islam
Possible spelling mistake found.
Karimov
was promoted
to the post of minister after graduating from two Universities.

In conclusion
, majorities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that juniors should continue their education with getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
or college qualifications, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that it is better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
after leaving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. In my opinion, if children want to reach the sophisticated way of life, they should be graduates of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
or college.
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IELTS essay Some people belive that studying at University or college is the best route to a successful careerwhile others belive that is better to get job straight after school.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
362 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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