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Some people belive that social media sites, such as Facebook or Twitter, have a negative impact on young people and their ability to form personal relationships. Others believe that these sites bring people together in a beneficial way. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people belive that social media sites, such as Facebook or Twitter, have a negative impact on young people and their ability to form personal relationships. Others believe that these sites bring people together in a beneficial way. YLOXN
At the moment, we are in the Internet era and within the existence of the Internet especially social media sites, communication now is borderless. Many people suppose that social media is advantageous because we can get lots of knowledge there to broaden our horizons while others claimed the drawbacks of social media is the risk of spreading fake news, which is capable to confuse the users. In my opinion, the merits are far greater than the flaws and both of them will be discussed below. The most visible benefit that is brought out by social media sites is the capability to connect with others from all over the world. In these days, it is hard to find someone that do not use social media platforms such as Facebook, Twitter or Snapchat. With the help of these platforms, people can connect with others easily and this lead to the chance to get news up-to-date in a variety of fields. For instance, by joining some meaningful groups such as “Lost Bird” and “Ngay Ngay Viet Chu”, there are a lot of useful and attractive posts gives us a large amount of knowlegde about many things around us. In addition, reading the comments below the post may lead us to meet many views of an opinion and this is the reason for how social media can broaden our horizons. On the other hand, the risky of using social media is that there may be fake news that could make us confused. Fake news that were shares by a lot of inviduals could be trustworthy to others and this thing could lead to severe problem. For examble, in the beginning of the first Covid pandemic wave in Vietnam, there was a fake new that food is going to run out. Many people try to store as much food as possible ignoring the annoucement of the government that we have enough victuals for one years suffering. As a result, the price of food was rising extremely in the infancy of Covid pandemic. In conclusion, using social media sites brings out both positive and negative influences. Personally, I’m convinced that the benefits are greater than the drawbacks due to the fact that fake new could be preventative by referring information from the official sites only.
At the moment, we are in the Internet era and within the existence of the Internet
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
, communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
is borderless.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suppose that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is advantageous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lots of knowledge there to broaden our horizons while others claimed the drawbacks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of spreading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
, which is capable to confuse the users. In my opinion, the merits are far greater than the flaws and both of them will
be discussed
below.

The most visible benefit that
is brought
out by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
is the capability to connect with others from all over the world. In these days, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to find someone that do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
platforms such as Facebook, Twitter or Snapchat. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of these platforms,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can connect with others
easily
and this lead to the chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
up-to-date in a variety of fields.
For instance
, by joining
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
meaningful groups such as “Lost Bird” and “
Possible typo: you repeated a word
Ngay Ngay
Possible spelling mistake found.
Viet
Possible spelling mistake found.
Chu
”, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
useful and attractive posts gives us a large amount of
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowlegde
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things around us.
In addition
, reading the comments below the post may lead us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
views of an opinion and this is the reason for how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
can broaden our horizons.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
The phrase 'the risky of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the risky of
using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is that there may be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
that could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us confused.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Fake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
that were shares by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
Possible spelling mistake found.
inviduals
could be trustworthy to others and this thing could lead to severe problem. For
Possible spelling mistake found.
examble
, in the beginning of the
first
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
Covid
pandemic wave in Vietnam, there was a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
that food is going to run out.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
try to store as much food as possible ignoring the
Possible spelling mistake found.
annoucement
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
that we have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
victuals for one years suffering.
As a result
, the price of food was rising
extremely
in the infancy of
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
Covid
pandemic.

In conclusion
, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
brings out both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influences.
Personally
, I’m convinced that the benefits are greater than the drawbacks due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
could be preventative by referring information from the official
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.
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IELTS essay Some people belive that social media sites, such as Facebook or Twitter, have a negative impact on young people and their ability to form personal relationships. Others believe that these sites bring people together in a beneficial way.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
379 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Some people belive that social media sites, such as Facebook or Twitter, have a negative impact on young people and their ability to form personal relationships. Others believe that these sites bring people together in a beneficial way. Discuss both views and give your opinion.