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Some People Believe That Women Should Play An Equal Role As Men In A Country’s Police Or Military Force

Some People Believe That Women Should Play An Equal Role As Men In A Country’s Police Or Military Force 8Q3rP
Gender equality in the workplace has been a controversial issue in recent years. While many people believe that women should have equal opportunities to take part in the military and police force, I strongly agree that women are not suitable for this kind of position. On the one hand, many people believe that both genders must equally be given the same opportunity to have these kinds of jobs due to a variety of reasons. First of all, they think that problems about the physical health of women can be improved by training. For instance, women will be able to improve their health through diet and exercise while serving in the military. In addition, working in the police and defense force requires not only physical strength but also a large number of essential skills such as being careful, receptive, empathetic, and having critical thinking, which women tend to have more than men. Hence, females can have the ability to be successful in these roles. On the other hand, there are several reasons why I personally think that women are not suitable for taking part in the police or defense force. To begin with, it is seen that women have less physical strength than men. This weak point is certainly a disadvantage since taking part in the police or military force demands powerful health to enroll in numerous physical activities. Men, for example, are often successful in typically physical activities such as fighting criminals or trying to arrest them. One more reason why many people believe that females should not have equal chances to participate in police and military force is due to their emotions. This is understandable since women are vulnerable so they can struggle on numerous occasions which always occur in the military and police environment such as severely injured people or horrible accidental scenes. As a result, men have better potentials not only physically, but mentally to work as a militant or policeman. To summarize, although women have a range of potentials to work in the police and military force, I personally think that their disadvantage about physical and mental issues outweigh their potentials so they should not follow this kind of position.
Gender equality in the workplace has been a controversial issue in recent years. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should have equal opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in the military and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
force
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are not suitable for this kind of position.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that both genders
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
equally
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the same opportunity to have these kinds of jobs due to a variety of reasons.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that problems about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
health of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
by training.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their health through diet and exercise while serving in the military.
In addition
, working in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
and defense
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
force
requires not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
strength
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
essential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as being careful, receptive, empathetic, and having critical thinking, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
tend to have more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
.
Hence
, females can have the ability to be successful in these roles.

On the other hand
, there are several reasons why I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are not suitable for taking part in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
or defense
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
force
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
strength than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
. This weak point is
certainly
a disadvantage since taking part in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
or military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
force
demands powerful health to enroll in numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Men
,
for example
, are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
successful in
typically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities such as fighting criminals or trying to arrest them. One more reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that females should not have equal chances to participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
and military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
force
is due to their emotions. This is understandable since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are vulnerable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can struggle on numerous occasions which always occur in the military and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
environment such as
severely
injured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or horrible accidental scenes.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
have better potentials not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
physically
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
mentally to work as a militant or policeman.

To summarize
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have a range of potentials to work in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
and military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
force
, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that their disadvantage about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
and mental issues outweigh their potentials
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they should not follow this kind of position.
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IELTS essay Some People Believe That Women Should Play An Equal Role As Men In A Country’s Police Or Military Force

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
364 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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