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Some people believe that we spend too much money on celebration occasions like marriage and birthdays.To what extent do you think it is important to spend on such occasions?Do you really think that we spend to much money on celebrations?

Some people believe that we spend too much money on celebration occasions like marriage and birthdays. Do you really think that we spend to much money on celebrations? 3AMGm
It is irrefutable that, celebrations are significant part of everyone's life. However, a few individuals reckon that they should spend large sums of money on celebrating marriages, birthday parties and so on. I believe that it is not necessary to spend too much money on these types of occasions. I am going to discuss it in the subsequent paragraphs. To begin with, some masses of society believe that people spend big chunk of money on celebration because celebrating marriages and parties are source of entertainment. If people celebrate their special occasions then they invite their near and dear ones and everyone join their celebration for enjoying with their families. Moreover, sometimes people think they have to spend money on occasions because they just make their image better in front of society and maintain their reputations among their relatives. However, it is not necessary to spend money on these kind of functions because sometimes people can not afford much money to celebrate then they borrow some money from others and they go under on dept. Conversely, I believe that people should not spend money on birthdays and marriage but in society people spend much money on the celebration just for showing their money. In addition to this, if people save their money for their upcoming generation and they live simple life without any tension. Apart from it, it is very harmful for environment beacuse people create noise and air pollutions in marriages and other parties as well as it is wastage of food and money. To conclude, individuals should not spend money on these occasions because it is harmful for the environment and totally wastage of money. They should try to do simple marriages in society so that people save their money for their future.
It is irrefutable that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
are significant part of everyone's life.
However
, a few individuals reckon that they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
large sums of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on celebrating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriages
, birthday parties and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. I believe that it is not necessary to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on these types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occasions
. I am going to discuss it in the subsequent paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
masses of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
chunk of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebration
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
celebrating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriages
and parties are source of entertainment. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
celebrate their special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occasions
then they invite their near and dear ones and everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "joins", "joined".
join
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebration
for enjoying with their families.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occasions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their image better in front of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and maintain their reputations among their relatives.
However
, it is not necessary to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of functions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can not afford much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to celebrate then they borrow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
others and
they go under on dept.

Conversely
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on birthdays and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebration
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for showing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
In addition
to this, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
save their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their upcoming
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
generation and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
simple life without any tension. Apart from it, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
harmful for environment
Possible spelling mistake found.
beacuse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
create noise and air pollutions in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriages
and other parties
as well
as it is wastage of food and money.

To conclude
, individuals should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occasions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is harmful for the environment and
totally
wastage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. They should try to do simple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriages
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
save their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their future.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that we spend too much money on celebration occasions like marriage and birthdays. Do you really think that we spend to much money on celebrations?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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