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Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on society. Others deny that these have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on society. Others deny that these have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion? WMY0
Television has become an integral part of our lives. Most of the communities believe that violence in television and computer games have an impact on a person's attitude. There is an ongoing debate on whether to kill an animal or not as there is a flip side opinion to this before concluding my opinion, I would like to discuss both sides of the coin. To begins with, television is beneficial in myriad ways for the community, especially with adolescents. Video games increase creativity in people. For example, a gamer should follow certain rules of the game in order to move to the next level which is challenging and interesting, it increases the problem-solving ability in children. Secondly, while playing they should memorize certain things at each level, it helps in improving the memory among children. Moreover, the player's attention is essential in-game for listening objectives of the game, students can develop this positive attitude for their academics. Finally, there are certain games, which requires more than one player, which benefits to improve communication. However, it is not true always, there are no roses without thrones. There are cases where people are affected due to video games. At first, a plethora of people is addicted to video games, which interrupts the daily schedule of a person. Humans don't follow timetables for games and are played all overnight. Moreover, it is creating violence in people, they see real-life situations as a video game. Most of the youth try to follow and ride bikes as they are in the gaming world, which is a life-risking task. Also, they tend to see guns as toys. Sympathy and human values are diminishing in such communities. To encapsulate, video games are beneficial in copious ways, it develops a certain set of skills which is required in our day to day lives. However, corns should also be considered. It is necessary to take only the positives of television and video games.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
has become an integral part of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Most of the communities believe that violence in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have an impact on a person's attitude. There is an ongoing debate on whether to kill an animal or not as there is a flip side opinion to this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
concluding my opinion, I would like to discuss both sides of the coin. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is beneficial in myriad ways for the community,
especially
with adolescents.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
increase creativity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, a gamer should follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
of the game in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the
next
level which is challenging and interesting, it increases the problem-solving ability in children.
Secondly
, while playing they should memorize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
things at each level, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in improving the memory among children.
Moreover
, the player's attention is essential in-game for listening objectives of the game, students can develop this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
attitude for their academics.
Finally
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, which requires more than one player, which benefits to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
communication.
However
, it is not true always, there are no roses without thrones. There are cases where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. At
first
, a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is addicted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, which interrupts the daily schedule of a person. Humans don't follow timetables for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
are played
all overnight.
Moreover
, it is creating violence in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
real-life situations as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
game. Most of the youth try to follow and ride bikes as they are in the gaming world, which is a life-risking task.
Also
, they tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
guns as toys. Sympathy and human values are diminishing in such communities. To encapsulate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are beneficial in copious ways, it develops a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
set of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which
is required
in our
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
However
, corns should
also
be considered
. It is necessary to take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the positives of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on society. Others deny that these have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
324 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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