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Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a contemporary part of High School programmes. (For example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). to extent do you agree or disagree,?

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a contemporary part of High School programmes. (For example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). to extent , ? 61y8
It is believed that unpaid community service should be an obligation in high school programs. I agree with this point of view due to the fact that it has many positive impacts on the future society. Firstly, when teenagers do unpaid community service like working in a charity that provides warm food for the people who live in poverty, they will learn to be responsible to their community. Therefore in the future they will support other members of the society with whom they are in contact. And that will result in a more United Society and a brighter future for their country. Furthermore, teenagers usually do not understand how hard earning money is, so they spent money easily and without considering the hard work behind that money. But working unpaid will teach them the value of hard-working and the earned money which also makes them (to) respect every occupation whether it is being a president or being a cleaner. Lastly working in such services can be an effective and wonderful experience for the youth that would make them want to continue it in the future. For instance a teenager who wants to be a doctor in the future, would want to visit sick and poor people without taking fee. So it can be deduced that doing unpaid community service in teenage can actually lead to doing it in the future with no obligation. In conclusion, in order to have a more responsible and United society we must make unpaid community service a compulsory part of High School programs.
It
is believed
that unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
should be an obligation in high school programs. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view due to the fact that it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
society.

Firstly
, when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
do unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
like working in a charity that provides warm food for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in poverty, they will learn to be responsible to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
they will support other members of the society with whom they are in contact. And that will result in a more United Society and a brighter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
for their country.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
usually
do not understand how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they spent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
easily
and without considering the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work behind that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
working unpaid will teach them the value of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working and the earned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
which
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them (to) respect every occupation whether it is being a president or being a cleaner.
Lastly
working in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
can be an effective and wonderful experience for the youth that would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them want to continue it in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
For instance
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
who wants to be a doctor in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
, would want to visit sick and poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
without taking fee.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it can
be deduced
that doing unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
in teenage can actually lead to doing it in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
with no obligation.

In conclusion
, in order to have a more responsible and United society we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
a compulsory part of High School programs.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a contemporary part of High School programmes. (For example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). to extent , ?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
258 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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