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Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Charitable activities are way of improving wellbeing of humankind and developing relationship between members of society. It is assume by many people that unpaid charitable activities should be included as an obligatory part of high school curriculum. I strongly agree with this idea considering the benefit that both students as well as society would gain. To begin with, volunteering in a charity program, helping poor and needy people would develop life skills such as compassion, kindness, empathy and self-discipline in youth towards society. Similarly, it will help teenagers to instill excellent interpersonal skills while doing social projects and interacting with other people. For instance, according to a survey conducted in Islamabad that those individuals who were involved in community projects while studying in their schools, are more active in assisting social events without any supervision. Moreover, teaching academic subjects or sports to poor children is another way of serving to the community. Although, it benefits the society by increasing the literacy rate, it will enhance the teaching skills, knowledge and patience among youth that consequently help them in the future. For example, I personally engaged in teaching the children of my high school’s low-level employees who could not afford high fees of schools. This developed good communication and teaching skills that later on helped me during demonstrator ship. In conclusion, I firmly believe that high schools should educate youth about the social and moral values by involving them in community activities apart from academic curriculum. It will not only beneficial for community, however, it will also worth in making an individual a better person of the society.
Charitable activities are way of improving wellbeing of humankind and developing relationship between members of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. It is
Consider using either the past participle “assumed” or the present participle “assuming” here.
assume
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that unpaid charitable activities should
be included
as an obligatory part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
considering the benefit that both students
Probable usage error. Use “and” after ‘both’.
as well as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
would gain.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, volunteering in a charity program, helping poor and needy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would develop life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as compassion, kindness, empathy and self-discipline in youth towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Similarly
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to instill excellent interpersonal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
while doing social projects and interacting with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For instance
, according to a survey conducted in Islamabad that those individuals who
were involved
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
projects while studying in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, are more active in assisting social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
without any supervision.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
academic subjects or sports to poor children is another way of serving to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
. Although, it benefits the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
by increasing the literacy rate, it will enhance the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, knowledge and patience among youth that
consequently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in the future.
For example
, I
personally
engaged in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
the children of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school’s
low-level employees who could not afford
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
fees of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. This developed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
communication and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
that later on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me during demonstrator ship.

In conclusion
, I
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should educate youth about the social and moral values by involving them in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
activities apart from academic curriculum. It will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
,
however
, it will
also
worth in making an individual a better person of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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