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Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). aReo
Some people think that free social activities should be a mandatory part of high school programs. While students who take part in these activities may face some unexpected issues, I agree that educators should design required community services for their high school students without any payments. On the one hand, the most considerable trouble affects students when participating in public activities is the shortage of time. Particularly, they may be less focused on their core lessons in class, even lack leisure time because of spending too much time for community services. Besides, there are obligatory services which do not suit to everyone. For example, working for a charity at mountainous places or suburban areas requires students to have to go far away or teaching sports to younger children at outdoor stadium demands a good health. All of these types of work do not fit to the weak girls or unhealthy students. On the other hand, attending unpaid public services will bring great benefits to high school students. Firstly, these programs create a positive environment for students to be raised in a holistic way, not only improving their social knowledge but also motivate their perception about the outdoor life. This is really an appropriate method to train them on how to work for the interest of community instead of living only for themselves. Secondly, taking part in public activities such as volunteer campaigns and charity organizations is a highlighted point which makes their resume brilliant. If an applicant who has the same qualification, as well as experiences with other candidates, would like to apply for a scholarship or a competitive job, his past activities for the interest of community may make an outstanding contribution in helping him defeat the others. In conclusion, although there are some disadvantages, it seems to me that we should design more unpaid obligatory community programs for high school students.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that free social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
should be a mandatory part of high

school programs. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
may face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some


unexpected issues, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that educators should design required community

services for their high school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
without any payments.

On the one hand, the most considerable trouble affects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
when participating

in public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
is the shortage of time.
Particularly
, they may be less focused

on their core lessons in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, even lack leisure time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of spending too

much time for community services.
Besides
, there are obligatory services which

do not suit to everyone.
For example
, working for a charity at mountainous places

or suburban areas requires
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go far away or teaching sports to

younger children at outdoor stadium demands a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health. All of these types of

work do not fit to the weak girls or unhealthy students.

On the other hand
, attending unpaid public services will bring great benefits to

high school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Firstly
, these programs create a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
environment for

students to
be raised
Consider replacing "in a holistic way" with the adverb for "holistic"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a holistic way
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
improving their social knowledge

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
motivate their perception about the outdoor life. This is
really
an

appropriate method to train them on how to work for the interest of community

instead
of living
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for themselves.
Secondly
, taking part in public activities

such as volunteer campaigns and charity organizations is a highlighted point which

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
their resume brilliant. If an applicant who has the same qualification, as

well as experiences with other candidates, would like to apply for a scholarship

or a competitive job, his past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for the interest of community may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an

outstanding contribution in helping him defeat the others.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages, it seems to me that we

should design more unpaid obligatory community programs for high school

students.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children).

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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