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Some people believe that to protect local culture, tourism should be banned in some areas whereas others think that change is inevitable and banning tourism will have no benefits. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Some people believe that to protect local culture, tourism should be banned in some areas whereas others think that change is inevitable and banning tourism will have no benefits. OVgX7
Recently, it is apparent that the tradition, which has been passed down over centuries, is be in danger due to the significant increase in the number of tourists. As to this problem, some argue that in an effort to maintain the country’s unique characteristic, prohibiting those tourists from foreign countries should be taken effect. However, in my view, it is unavoidable considering that culture alteration has advantageous aspect in many ways. First, one of the rationales of those opponents towards tourism is it has detrimental effect on both a loss of tradition and mystique. This might be justified, as the news of tourists who do not respect the country’s code of conduct is proliferating all over the world at the present moment. One of the noticeable news that made the world flabbergasted was tourists scrawled on the national heritage with a marker as a memento. As a result of these news, individuals believe that their entity devalue the country’s heritage and itself. Another reason is by making the country seem accessible, it diminishes the significance of the culture, which is particular in the country. In fact, what makes the country admirable largely lies in its uniqueness and mystique. In other words, if a number of tourists were allowed to explore the country’s culture, the image of it would be tarnished as a country sacrificing their crucial culture to become profitable. In spite of these convincing opinions, others contend cultural change is irrevocable. Tourism might be a threat to the tradition in the country, however, in order to survive this competitive world, the only industry the country can rely on will be tourism. By allowing a large number of tourists, the economic trend in the country will be satisfactory, so that citizens in the country will also get a benefit, such as reducing the rate of taxes. Another point of view is that change in culture can help the country adapt to the modern environment as well. Although the drastic change of climate has significantly damaged each endemic culture, by transforming their culture to be suitable to this change will ensure the over-last of culture. In conclusion, in spite of the disadvantages allowing tourists to visit the country, the change in culture cannot be avoided as it would provide many benefits.
Recently, it is apparent that the tradition, which has
been passed
down over centuries, is
Consider using a past participle here: "been".
be
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
due to the significant increase in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
. As to this problem,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that in an effort to maintain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
unique characteristic, prohibiting those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
from foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should
be taken
effect.
However
, in my view, it is unavoidable considering that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
alteration has advantageous aspect in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.

First
, one of the rationales of those opponents towards tourism is it has detrimental effect on both a loss of tradition and mystique. This might
be justified
, as the news of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
who do not respect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
code of conduct is proliferating all over the world at the present moment. One of the noticeable news that made the world flabbergasted was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
scrawled on the national heritage with a marker as a memento.
As a result
of
Did you mean "this news" or "these newses"?
these news
, individuals believe that their entity devalue the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
heritage and itself. Another reason is by making the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
seem accessible, it diminishes the significance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, which is particular in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. In fact, what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
admirable
largely
lies in its uniqueness and mystique.
In other words
, if a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to explore the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, the image of it would
be tarnished
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
sacrificing their crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
to become profitable.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
spite of these convincing opinions, others contend cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
is irrevocable. Tourism might be a threat to the tradition in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
however
, in order to survive this competitive world, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
industry the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can rely on will be tourism. By allowing
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
, the economic trend in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will be satisfactory,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that citizens in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a benefit, such as reducing the rate of taxes. Another point of view is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
adapt to the modern environment
as well
. Although the drastic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
of climate has
significantly
damaged each endemic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, by transforming their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
to be suitable to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
will ensure the over-last of culture.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the disadvantages allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
to visit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
cannot
be avoided
as it would provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that to protect local culture, tourism should be banned in some areas whereas others think that change is inevitable and banning tourism will have no benefits.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
380 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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