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Some people believe that there are some benefits of opening zoos because it may protect wild animals, whilst others consider that it is better to close down zoos because of its cruelty.

Some people believe that there are some benefits of opening zoos because it may protect wild animals, whilst others consider that it is better to close down zoos because of its cruelty. 1a587
Some people believe that there are some benefits of opening zoos because it may protect wild animals, whilst others consider that it is better to close down zoos because of its cruelty. I will discuss both views and give my own opinion in this essay. On the one hand, zoos should be closed down for several reasons. The first reason would be that it may attack visitors. Some zoos do not have steady animal lodging so there are some wild animals crossing their lodge and attack tourists. It is really dangerous for people coming zoos. Secondly, there are some people taking wild animal’s advantage to earn money. People living far from forests can not see wild animals so they really curious and want to visit zoos. Therefore, zoo owners have opportunities to make money. For example, zoo owners may allow visitors touch or take photos with elephants but they have to pay a lot of money On the other hand, I believe that it is more beneficial to open zoos. Firstly, nowadays, the forests are destroyed, wild animals do not have any habitat so zoos may be a place which wild animals can live. For example, bushfires Amazon in Australia in 2020 is disastrous because a lot of koala, kangaroo which live in there are died and they could not run fast enough to get out of Amazon. The number of this animals died is about 25 thousand units. Therefore, if they live in the zoo, they will be safe and will be not threatening. Secondly, children coming to the zoos can expand their knowledges. Zoos have a number of wild animals staying so children can visit and feed the animals food. Therefore, they may know what wild animals eat and the way animals interact with people. In addition, they also integrate with nature and get away from mobile phones. In conclusion, although I understand why some people think the government should close down zoos, I argue that the better option is to opening zoos because of its benefits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits of opening zoos
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it may protect wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, whilst others consider that it is better to close down zoos
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its cruelty. I will discuss both views and give my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion in this essay.

On the one hand, zoos should
be closed
down for several reasons. The
first
reason would be that it may attack visitors.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
zoos do not have steady
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
lodging
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
crossing their lodge and attack tourists. It is
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
coming zoos.
Secondly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
taking wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal’s
advantage to earn money.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
living far from forests can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
really
curious and want to visit zoos.
Therefore
, zoo owners have opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money.
For example
, zoo owners may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
visitors touch or take photos with elephants
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
money


On the other hand
, I believe that it is more beneficial to open zoos.
Firstly
, nowadays, the forests are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
, wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
do not have any habitat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
zoos may be a place which wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
For example
, bushfires Amazon in Australia in 2020 is disastrous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Possible agreement error. The noun koala seems to be countable; consider using: "a lot of koalas".
a lot of koala
, kangaroo which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in there are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
died and
they could not run
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out of Amazon. The number of
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
is about 25 thousand units.
Therefore
, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the zoo, they will be safe and will be not threatening.
Secondly
, children coming to the zoos can expand their
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledges
. Zoos have a number of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
staying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
children can visit and feed the
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "animals'" or "animal's"?
animals
food.
Therefore
, they may know what wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
eat and the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
interact with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
In addition
, they
also
integrate with nature and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
away from mobile phones.

In conclusion
, although I understand why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should close down zoos, I argue that the better option is
The word 'to' seems to be wrong here. "opening" is a present participle verb.
to opening
zoos
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its benefits
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IELTS essay Some people believe that there are some benefits of opening zoos because it may protect wild animals, whilst others consider that it is better to close down zoos because of its cruelty.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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