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Some people believe that the purpose of education should be helping the individuals to become useful for society, while others believe it should help individuals to achieve their ambitions. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that the purpose of education should be helping the individuals to become useful for society, while others believe it should help individuals to achieve their ambitions. nWNl
Education is very crucial for our life. Some society believe that education is for helping people so that they can help others in their environment. However, others believe that it is for people to reach their desire. In this essay, I am going to discuss both views. On the one hand, many people argue that learning is to prepare student to become useful in society. This is a really good way to make student to have empathy to help others. For instance, they can be a teacher for children whose parents cannot afford them to go to school. This activities can make people have better traits. Besides that, younger generation will take control of our world in the future. Thus, they must study to understand how to do it. On the other hand, there are a group of people believe that educational system is for people reach their own aims. In this modern life, there are more people who are very ambitious to get their dream job and very care about their social status such as power and money. Some school also tell their student to focus in their own desire for the future. This can make student more aware about what they want. Thus, they can plan about their future job and be more responsible about what they do today. To conclude, personally, I believe the main aim of education is for helping others in society because it can make people to have better traits and change their perspective.
Education is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial for our life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
Did you mean "societies"?
society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that education is for helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
others in their environment.
However
, others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that it is for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to reach their desire. In this essay, I am going to discuss both views.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that learning is to prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to become useful in society. This is a
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to have empathy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
others.
For instance
, they can be a teacher for children whose parents cannot afford them to go to school.
Did you mean "these"?
This
activities can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have better traits.
Besides
that, younger generation will take control of our world in the future.
Thus
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
study to understand how to do it.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are a
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "groups"?
group
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that educational system is for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
reach their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
aims. In this modern life, there are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
ambitious to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their dream job and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
care about their social status such as power and money.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
school
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "focus".
focus in
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
desire for the future. This can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
more aware about what they want.
Thus
, they can plan about their future job and be more responsible about what they do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.

To conclude
,
personally
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
the main aim of education is for helping others in society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have better traits and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their perspective.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that the purpose of education should be helping the individuals to become useful for society, while others believe it should help individuals to achieve their ambitions.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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