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Some people believe that the only way to see God is through Jesus, others think that there are other ways regardless. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion v.3

Some people believe that the only way to see God is through Jesus, others think that there are other ways regardless. 3
This earth is created by God only. However, nobody has seen him throughout the history considerably. Where a group of individual thing, specifically "The religion, God names" who believe that only Jesus can help to see God. Whereas, others are in the favour of to find some other form to meet God. While, I personally pay attention to individuals' inner qualities rather than any term of God, which is given by the nature only. This essay will discuss both the views behind my view point. Although, Mankind has made up their mind set to worship Jesus can only be the means to find God. Not only grown-up, but children are affected by this thought. Consequently, this generation is paying attention to superstitions rather than their inner qualities and good behaviour. In this contemporary era, superstitious is kind of a business has been dramatically increasing. Consequently, people are more depending on God's nickname, but the actuality has been vanished that God is everywhere and in everything, who is looking after the earth to give punishment for any wrongdoing at any pace of life. There is an another school of thought where people believe that "God is only one" but the different label has been given by the different religions. This is a paradoxical statement, to put it in another means it contradicts the precedent but true. One should focus on their good karma rather than believing in any kind of spiritual names. We are living in an egalitarian society, where people are in egalitarianism as a boy or a girl, nevertheless, to worship, in some religion's girls are not allowed, as a result, could girls not be able to see God in their whole life? We should be stopped on trusting in the name of Jesus, but believing on ourself could be the best way to seek God. To summarise, Jesus is only the name, by which we can worship, to make all understand that someone is there who is looking after forgiving punishment for any wrongdoing, but cannot find God. Nevertheless, we should not be totally dependent on the name but pay attention to good karma either for saving the world or respect others, which is counted at the end of our life.
This earth
is created
by God
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
.
However
, nobody has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
him throughout the history
considerably
. Where a group of individual thing,
specifically
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
The religion, God names
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
who believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
Jesus can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
God.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, others are in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of to find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other form to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
God. While, I
personally
pay attention to individuals' inner qualities
rather
than any term of God, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by the nature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
. This essay will discuss both the views behind my view point.

“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, Mankind has made up their mind set to worship Jesus can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
be the means to find God. Not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
grown-up,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
children are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
.
Consequently
, this generation is paying attention to superstitions
rather
than their inner qualities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. In this contemporary era, superstitious is
If 'kind' is a classification term, 'a' is not necessary. Use "kind of". (The phrases 'kind of' and 'sort of' are informal if they mean 'to some extent'.)
kind of a
business has been
dramatically
increasing.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more depending on God's nickname,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the actuality has
been vanished
that God is everywhere and in everything, who is looking after the earth to give punishment for any wrongdoing at any pace of life.

There is
One of these determiners is redundant in this context. Choose only one: "a school" or "another school".
an another school
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
God is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
one
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
label has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
religions. This is a paradoxical statement, to put it in another means it contradicts the precedent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
true. One should focus on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
karma
rather
than believing in any kind of spiritual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
names
. We are living in an egalitarian society, where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are in egalitarianism as a boy or a girl,
nevertheless
, to worship, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
religion's girls are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
,
as a result
, could girls not be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
God in their whole life? We should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
on trusting in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
name
of Jesus,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
believing on
The term is non-standard and not widely accepted.
ourself
could be the best way to seek God.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, Jesus is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
name
, by which we can worship, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
all understand that someone is there who is looking after forgiving punishment for any wrongdoing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
cannot find God.
Nevertheless
, we should not be
totally
dependent on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
name
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
pay attention to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
karma either for saving the world or respect others, which
is counted
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of our life.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that the only way to see God is through Jesus, others think that there are other ways regardless. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
373 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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