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Some people believe that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money should be invested better in other areas. To what extent do you agree with this view?

Some people believe that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money should be invested better in other areas. 83Dx
It is argued that few people feel that the administration is wasting money on the fineart while other think that money should be invested better in other sites. I completely disagree with aformentioned statement because art is the source of emotions and feelings. According to me, Creative work is the experession of human skill and imaganition where humankind explore their ideas and technique. Also. Investing capital means artwork protect the ancent values and tradition of country. Moreover, fineart also helps for children development, teenager are likely to develop communication skills and problem-solving skills. According to expert, in march 2000, 95% of youth were engage in creative work program to show their capability and talent. As a result, they can share notions and views in crative skill. Furthermore, When leadership invest money in arts there are more chances of promote in toursim. In addition, art help out to economy issuses of nations whereas there will be more employment oppourtinities for youngster. Also, increasing of travellers also increase rank of states where many person can learn diverse source of education. If people are aware of creative work, it might help human for daily grind. For instance, There was the picture of Mona Lisa which was the eminent fineart of artist which cost most expenisve art of the world. In conclusion, i believe that art is the part of human life which can desire and express all feelings. Although, some people claim that investing money is not worth in art, but creative work assist expand history of country.
It
is argued
that few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel that the administration is wasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the
Possible spelling mistake found.
fineart
while other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should
be invested
better in other sites. I completely disagree with
Possible spelling mistake found.
aformentioned
statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is the source of emotions and feelings.

This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is the
Possible spelling mistake found.
experession
of human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
imaganition
where humankind explore their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and technique.
Also
. Investing capital means artwork protect the
Possible spelling mistake found.
ancent
values and tradition of country.
Moreover
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
fineart
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
for children development,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
are likely to develop communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and problem-solving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. According to expert, in
The month "March" needs to be capitalized.
march
2000, 95% of youth
Did you mean "where" or "we"?
were
Consider using a past participle here: "engaged".
engage
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
program to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their capability and talent.
As a result
, they can share notions and views in
Possible spelling mistake found.
crative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.

Furthermore
, When leadership invest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
there are more chances of promote in
Possible spelling mistake found.
toursim
.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
out to economy
Possible spelling mistake found.
issuses
of nations whereas there will be more employment
Possible spelling mistake found.
oppourtinities
for youngster.
Also
, increasing of
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
also
increase rank of states where
Possible agreement error. The noun person seems to be countable; consider using: "many people", "many persons".
many person
can learn diverse source of education. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are aware of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, it might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
human for daily grind.
For instance
, There was the picture of Mona Lisa which was the eminent
Possible spelling mistake found.
fineart
of artist which cost most
Possible spelling mistake found.
expenisve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
of the world.

In conclusion
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is the part of human life which can desire and express all feelings. Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that investing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not worth in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
assist expand history of country.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money should be invested better in other areas.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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