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Some people believe that the biggest problem facing cities is the increasing number of cars. Others say there more serious problems. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people believe that the biggest problem facing cities is the increasing number of cars. Others say there more serious problems. v. 2
There is no doubt that the rate of crime had increased in the past century to an extreme level. Each Year, the collected rates is significantly higher than the previous year. Most of the people think that the main reason for the violent behaviours of the communities is media, on the contrary, others believe that poverty and lack of education contributes to this cause with much more. Firstly, if we have a look at Social Media, Movies and video games, It is clear to everyone that all the content includes violent actions and behaviours which makes aggression socially acceptable leading to higher rates of crime. On the other hand, the majority think that poverty and the need for life essentials such as food and shelter has much greater influence on the increasing crime rate and criminals. In my opinion media, poverty and lack of education are all on the same level and must be tackled and treated by the governments. Moreover, lack of education is one of the main reasons of developing ignorant persons whom they don't yield to any law. By default those whom are not educated will tend to have no jobs and accordingly no income or means of supporting their way of living, hence due to poverty and the need of surviving the crime rates will increase. Some say that providing proper education to the young ones and teaching them from a young age will help them have self discipline and accordingly self control, leading to a better lifestyle and accordingly decreasing the percentage of crime in those generations. However the rest still insists that the problems coming from the media side are much more severe as nowadays, technologies are reachable and accessible for everyone and they are the main reason for the aggression in the society. In conclusion, wither its media, lack of education or poverty, all are essential contributors in increasing the crime rate and governments must have a very strict plan to face those challenges and provide solutions.
There is no doubt that the
rate
of
crime
had increased in the past century to an extreme level. Each Year, the collected
rates
is
significantly
higher than the previous year. Most of the
people
think
that the main reason for the violent
behaviours
of the communities is
media
,
on the contrary
, others believe that
poverty
and
lack
of
education
contributes to this cause with much more.

Firstly
, if we have a look at Social
Media
, Movies and video games, It is
clear
to everyone that all the content includes violent actions and
behaviours
which
makes
aggression
socially
acceptable leading to higher
rates
of
crime
.
On the other hand
, the majority
think
that
poverty
and the need for life essentials such as food and shelter has much greater influence on the increasing
crime
rate
and criminals. In my opinion
media
,
poverty
and
lack
of
education
are all on the same level and
must
be tackled
and treated by the
governments
.

Moreover
,
lack
of
education
is one of the main reasons of developing ignorant persons whom they don't yield to any law.
By default
those whom are not educated will tend to have no jobs and
accordingly
no income or means of supporting their way of living,
hence
due to
poverty
and the need of surviving the
crime
rates
will increase.

Some
say that providing proper
education
to the young ones and teaching them from a young age will
help
them have
self discipline
and
accordingly
self control
, leading to a better lifestyle and
accordingly
decreasing the percentage of
crime
in those generations.
However
the rest
still
insists that the problems coming from the
media
side are much more severe as nowadays, technologies are reachable and accessible for
everyone and
they are the main reason for the aggression in the society.

In conclusion
, wither its
media
,
lack
of
education
or
poverty
, all are essential contributors in increasing the
crime
rate
and
governments
must
have a
very
strict plan to face those challenges and provide solutions.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that the biggest problem facing cities is the increasing number of cars. Others say there more serious problems. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
334 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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