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Some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects, while others claim that students should focus on the subject that they are best at or that they find interesting.

Some individuals believe that students need study all core subjects, while others argue that they should concentrate on subject that they are knowledgeable or fascinates them. Although to study all school subjects would be beneficial for student, I believe that teenagers should more focus on the particular subject. There are several reason why wide variety of curriculum subjects could be beneficial for students. Firstly, if adolescents would be taught with many subjects, they can gain huge amount of information and have a knowledge about many spheres. Also, they can stand important people for society, since they are versatile in many aspects of the society. Secondly, students would not encounter with problems of employment in their future life, as many companies usually looking for employees who have knowledge not only about particular subject or sphere. However, I side with those who believe that students should focus on particular subject that they have much opportunities and interesting for them. Students will be more mature, knowledgeable and they will be more opportunity in successful career growth, as their attention is only concentrated on to study particular main sphere. Furthermore, concentration of students on subject that they are best will be beneficial for both government and students. Because it can be very rewarding and enjoyable for students to let them not to be bored, and for the government it can provide them with good employees. In conclusion, it might be seen that to study all school subjects could be beneficial for students, but I believe that studying of particular subject is much better, as students will be mature, knowledgeable and provide them with great career growth.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals
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believe
that
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students
need
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study
all core
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subjects
, while others argue that they should concentrate on
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subject
that they are knowledgeable or fascinates them. Although to
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study
all school
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subjects
would be
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beneficial
for
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student
, I
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believe
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
should more focus on the
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particular
subject.

There are several reason why wide variety of curriculum
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subjects
could be
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beneficial
for
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students
.
Firstly
, if adolescents would
be taught
with
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many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, they can gain huge amount of information and have a knowledge about
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many
spheres.
Also
, they can stand
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important
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people
for society, since they are versatile in
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many
aspects of the society.
Secondly
,
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students
would not encounter with problems of employment in their future life, as
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many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
usually
looking for employees who have knowledge not
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only
about
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particular
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subject
or sphere.

However
, I side with those who
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believe
that
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students
should focus on
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particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
that they have
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
opportunities and interesting for them.
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Students
will be more mature,
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
knowledgeable and
they will be more opportunity in successful career growth, as their attention is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
concentrated on to
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study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
particular
main sphere.
Furthermore
, concentration of
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students
on
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subject
that they are best will be
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beneficial
for both
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government
and
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students
.
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Because
it can be
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very
rewarding and enjoyable for
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students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them not to
be bored
, and for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
it can provide them with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
employees.

In conclusion
, it might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that to
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study
all school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
could be
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beneficial
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
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but
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that studying of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
is much better, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will be mature, knowledgeable and provide them with great career growth.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects, while others claim that students should focus on the subject that they are best at or that they find interesting.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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