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Some people believe that what children watch on television influences their behaviour. Others say that amount of time spent watching television influences their behaviour

Some people argue that by watching television their children will influence their attitude a lot while, others think that it's influencing nature is because of the amount of time they spend on the TV's and other entertainment resources. However, this essay will discuss both sides of arguments to influence their behaviour. Children's usually imitate a lot of advertisements which they have been watching on the entertainment platform. Ultimately, over a period of months, their behavioural skills will change. At times, those uncertainties of children's behaviour is not easy to catch and it's taking time. In addition to that, it's all varies in different categories of instances, they prefer to watch. For example, by seeing a Boost advert to increase the stamina for the cricket batting, kid's who are interested towards the Cricket they tend to influence for that. On the other hand, people think that, the behaviour changes will happen for the kids by the significant amount they spend on the television ads. By watching a certain period of time in a day, kids will addict to watch continuously because of the curiosity of the advertisement. Additionally, they will be in that advert world only since they have been observing them for so many days. In a recent survey by The London Times Magazine stated that, almost 70 percentage of kids is influencing merely by watching the advertisements for a long hour. To conclude, In my view, irrespective of timing factor and the type of advertisement it is, children's always attract toward that advert and they try to imitate them with their own way it leads to their attitude changes. However, by telecasting suitable and precise adverts, kids will be entertained a lot. Apparently, there would be no further behavioural changes since they are the real purpose of life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that by watching television their children will influence their attitude a lot while, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it's influencing nature is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they spend on the TV's and other entertainment resources.
However
, this essay will discuss both sides of arguments to influence their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.

Children's
usually
imitate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
which they have been watching on the entertainment platform.
Ultimately
, over a period of months, their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
. At
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
, those uncertainties of children's
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
is not easy to catch and it's taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
In addition
to that, it's all varies in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
categories of instances, they prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
.
For example
, by seeing a Boost advert to increase the stamina for the cricket batting, kid's who
are interested
towards the Cricket they tend to influence for that.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that, the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
will happen for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
by the significant amount they spend on the television ads. By watching a certain period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in a day,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
will addict to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
continuously
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the curiosity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
.
Additionally
, they will be in that advert world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
since they have been observing them for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
days. In a recent survey by The London
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Times
Magazine stated that, almost 70 percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
is influencing
merely
by watching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
for a long hour.

To conclude
, In my view, irrespective of timing factor and the type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
it is, children's always attract toward that
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
advert and
they try to imitate them with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way it leads to their attitude
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
.
However
, by telecasting suitable and precise adverts,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
will
be entertained
a lot.
Apparently
, there would be no
further
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
since they are the real purpose of life.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that what children watch on television influences their behaviour. Others say that amount of time spent watching television influences their behaviour

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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