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Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. gdEa
A plethora of people argue that youngsters’ responsibility to conduct communal work without being paid should be made mandatory, as not only can it bring about numerous benefits to the young participants themselves, but also the whole society can take advantage of this. I am a strong advocate of this notion, and will explain my view below. A compelling reason for teenagers doing public service without asking for wages is that they can accumulate numerous soft skills whilst doing the work, which is something they cannot acquire at school. A good illustration of this is my cousin. She is extremely industrious and academically-minded. In this reason, she lacks a considerable number of social skills like teamwork. However, after joining a summer voluntary campaign to help the local elderly with their everyday problems, she has become more self-confident and resourceful. Accordingly, a wide range of social skills will facilitate young people to seek for a rewarding job in the future. Moreover, young students can widen their circle of friends by joining social groups, decreasing the chances of suffering from mental disorders, such as depression or bipolar. On the other hand, regarding the societal benefits, teenagers’ voluntary works provide a timely, appropriate help to the needy in the community, which helps to alleviate or even eliminate chronic social problems. To illustrate, international volunteers in Africa have helped to change African’s mindset about marriage, thus declining the rate of child betrothal and teenage pregnancy significantly. Adolescents with such actions will likely to inspire others to follow the same actions. As a result, these voluntary teenagers can cultivate altruism and empathy in everyone around the world, which can partly pacify hatred and thus cease wars in the world. In conclusion, I favor the idea of comply students to do unpaid community service, in light of the fact that this can offer teenagers ample chance to hone their soft skills, and this meaningful and kind act can also benefit the underprivileged people with the proper help they need
A plethora of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that youngsters’ responsibility to conduct communal work without
being paid
should
be made
mandatory, as not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can it bring about numerous benefits to the young participants themselves,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the whole society can take advantage of this. I am a strong advocate of this notion, and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my view below.

A compelling reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
doing public service without asking for wages is that they can accumulate numerous soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
whilst doing the work, which is something they cannot acquire at school. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is my cousin. She is
extremely
industrious and
academically
-minded. In this reason, she lacks a considerable number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
like teamwork.
However
, after joining a summer voluntary campaign to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the local elderly with their everyday problems, she has become more self-confident and resourceful.
Accordingly
, a wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
will facilitate young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to seek for a rewarding job in the future.
Moreover
, young students can widen their circle of friends by joining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
groups, decreasing the chances of suffering from mental disorders, such as depression or bipolar.

On the other hand
, regarding the societal benefits,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers’
voluntary works provide a timely, appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to the needy in the community, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to alleviate or even eliminate chronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
problems. To illustrate, international volunteers in Africa have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
African’s mindset about marriage,
thus
declining the rate of child betrothal and teenage pregnancy
significantly
. Adolescents with such actions will likely to inspire others to follow the same actions.
As a result
, these voluntary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
can cultivate altruism and empathy in everyone around the world, which can partly pacify hatred and
thus
cease wars in the world.

In conclusion
, I favor the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of comply students to do unpaid community service, in light of the fact that this can offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
ample chance to hone their soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, and this meaningful and kind act can
also
benefit the underprivileged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with the proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
they need
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IELTS essay Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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