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Life was better when technology was simpler. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Life was better when technology was simpler. yy2d
Life has been more complex with the advancement of the technology. In my opinion, I do agree that the life of human being have been at ease than ever before due to the new inventions and the upgradation in the gadgets. Though, at times it can be difficult to adapt this new technology into routine. To commence with advancing technology, as the technology evolve many daily tasks have come to an ease. Firstly, people can invest more time in upgrading the lifestyle and improve their living standards. For example, people can work from anywhere at any time even can do an extra work for some extra money sitting in their home itself. Secondly, a person can be in touch with all the people he have known in his life. For an instance, a person living far from the family overseas can even meet in fraction of seconds via video call before a person needs to wait for coming back to greet them. On the other hand, sometimes people do feel that with this advancements the pressure of coping up with the technology have been increase. In other words, people do sometimes feel left out because of not able to learn the complex use of the technology. For example, the older generation feels dependent on the younger one's as they cannot cope up with these drastically changing and ever evolving technology. In conclusion, though the technology have gotten complex but it has made the life of an individual easier. However, to be updated with the technology can be tricky at times, but indeed this advancement have had helped to grow the human race.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Life
has been more complex with the advancement of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. In my opinion, I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of human being have been at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
due to the new inventions and the
Possible spelling mistake found.
upgradation
in the gadgets.
“Though” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Though
, at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
it can be difficult to adapt this new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
into routine.

To commence with advancing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
evolve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
daily tasks have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can invest more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in upgrading the lifestyle and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their living standards.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can work from anywhere at any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
even can do an extra work for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extra money sitting in their home itself.
Secondly
, a person can be in touch with all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "has", "had".
have
known in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. For an instance, a person living far from the family overseas can even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
in fraction of seconds via video call
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
a person needs to wait for coming back to greet them.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do feel that with
Did you mean "these"?
this
advancements the pressure of coping up with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
have been increase.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of not able to learn the complex
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
For example
, the older generation feels dependent on the younger one's as they cannot cope up with these
drastically
changing and ever evolving technology.

In conclusion
, though the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
have gotten complex
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it has made the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of an individual easier.
However
, to
be updated
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can be tricky at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
indeed
The verb 'have' is plural. Did you mean: "this advancement has"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
this advancement have
had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
to grow the human race.
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IELTS essay Life was better when technology was simpler.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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