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Some people believe that studying in a college or university is the best way for students to prepare for their future career. Others think they should leave school as soon as possible to develop their career through work experience. Discuss both views and v.1

Some people believe that studying in a college or university is the best way for students to prepare for their future career. Others think they should leave school as soon as possible to develop their career through work experience. 1
The world population is growing up more and more nowadays. Thus, the demands of having new places for living happens requesting us to find new land. In fact, people from crowded cities intend to move to the countryside to live because of this pressure. However, others believe that we must have to preserve our natural resources instead of extracting these. In my opinion, homes are important, but protect the environment is also the first and foremost. To begin with the request for accommodations nowadays of the civilization, I am convinced that we all need places to live, for example, houses in order to regenerate energy after a day of working hard and this also a place for family members stay together, build up their connection as well. On the other hand, we should not invade the rural areas so as to build houses because the environment is now in the urgent status needing us to be preserved. In other words, we are able to breath due to the oxygen from trees and plants. Obviously, protecting the environment of the countryside is also giving us more fresh-air and sustainable atmosphere to live. Furthermore, rural areas also tend to be the places for agricultural works which provide products such as rice, many kinds of fruits, vegetables and so on. Thus, protect land in the countryside is essential as well. Finally, I believe that we can simultaneously construct houses and maintain the rural nature by implementing solutions such as building complex houses which have a flat rooftop in order to plant trees or we can live in apartments instead of personal houses. To summarize, personally I think we should concern the issue of constructing houses in the rural areas and protect our natural resources carefully. By taking these above solutions, I believe we can make our life better.
The world population is growing up more and more nowadays.
Thus
, the demands of having new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
for living happens requesting us to find new land. In fact,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from crowded cities intend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the countryside to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
because of this
pressure.
However
, others believe that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
preserve our natural resources
instead
of extracting these. In my opinion, homes are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
protect the environment is
also
the
first
and foremost.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the request for accommodations nowadays of the civilization, I
am convinced
that we all need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
,
for example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
in order to regenerate energy after a day of working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and this
also
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
for family members stay together, build up their connection
as well
.

On the other hand
, we should not invade the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
areas
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the environment is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
in the urgent status needing us to
be preserved
.
In other words
, we are able to breath due to the oxygen from trees and plants.
Obviously
, protecting the environment of the countryside is
also
giving us more fresh-air and sustainable atmosphere to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
areas
also
tend to be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
for agricultural works which provide products such as rice,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of fruits, vegetables and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Thus
, protect land in the countryside is essential
as well
.

Finally
, I believe that we can
simultaneously
construct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
and maintain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
nature by implementing solutions such as building complex
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
which have a flat rooftop in order to plant
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
trees or
we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in apartments
instead
of personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
.

To summarize
,
personally
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
we should concern the issue of constructing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
areas and protect our natural resources
carefully
. By taking these above solutions, I believe we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our life better.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Some people believe that studying in a college or university is the best way for students to prepare for their future career. Others think they should leave school as soon as possible to develop their career through work experience. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
305 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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