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Some people believe that playing team sports helps children succeed in  their future career, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your  opinion. 

Some people believe that playing team sports helps children succeed in their future career, while others disagree. NoP2
It is argued that when children participate in sport that requires team participation, it could favorable for their respective careers while others claim its does not benefit the children at all. Team building is common in all the professions. It helps an individual to build trust among the peers and be compatible enough to create solutions collectively and solve them in timely manner. These skills are transferable and flexible that is applicable to any career therefore it is vital to develop in quite young age. For instance- When children participate in sport specifically that requires team effort they co create strategies to defeat their opponent. One can identify the strengths and weakness and work on weakness and share wisdom about their strengths. This way, they are aware about certain skills and can apply in their future. One of the major disadvantage of team work is conflicts that leads to non co-operation. Due to non agreeable perspective proposed by two parties, it could rise conflict and can effect the other team members. In these circumstances at an execution level there would potential challenges leading to separation of team. For example, during the practice session if one the player is unhappy with certain strategy and expresses the same due to non agreement it could lead to potential violence and they might harm each other. This in general effects the team as they are missing out sense of co-operation and could be a weakness of the team. I believe it is extremely an vital for children to participate in team building as it does promote trust and a sense of awareness about themselves. Children can identify their positives and negatives and develop them in the initial stage. The conflicts are usually bound to happen in every team but with effective leadership in the team these issues are solvable
It
is argued
that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
participate in sport that requires
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
participation, it could favorable for their respective careers while others claim its does not benefit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at all.

Team building is common in all the professions. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
an individual to build trust among the peers and be compatible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to create solutions
collectively
and solve them in timely manner. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are transferable and flexible
that is
applicable to any career
therefore
it is vital to develop in quite young age.
For instance
- When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
participate in sport
specifically
that requires
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
effort they co create strategies to defeat their opponent. One can identify the strengths and weakness and work on weakness and share wisdom about their strengths. This way, they are aware about certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and can apply in their future.

One of the major disadvantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
work is conflicts that leads to non co-operation. Due to
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non agreeable
perspective proposed by two parties, it could rise conflict and can effect the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
members. In these circumstances at an execution level there would potential challenges leading to separation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
.
For example
, during the practice session if one the player is unhappy with certain strategy and expresses the same due to non agreement it could lead to potential
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
violence and
they might harm each other. This
in general
effects the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
as they are missing out sense of co-operation and could be a weakness of the team.

I believe it is
extremely
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
vital for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
building as it does promote trust and a sense of awareness about themselves.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can identify their positives and negatives and develop them in the initial stage. The conflicts are
usually
bound to happen in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with effective leadership in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
these issues are
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
solvable
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IELTS essay Some people believe that playing team sports helps children succeed in their future career, while others disagree.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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