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Some people believe that people should retire at the age of 65. Whilst others believe that they should be allowed to work as long as they want to. What is your point of view? Discuss

Some people believe that people should retire at the age of 65. Whilst others believe that they should be allowed to work as long as they want to. What is your point of view? Discuss yXoeV
There are split opinion regarding age of retire. some human deem that individual age of 65, it is a fine to retirement. whereas, another group of thinkers support; if people want to work, they should be allowed for it. however both has its own pros and cons. Therefore, before commenting my decision, i will discuss further in essay. Examining the former view, the primary argument the supporters would put forward is olderly people should take retirement after age of 65, because of go up that age, they are unabled to do some work; like heavy lifting. Moreover, several kind of work, which have need more stamina. In addition, they also believe that year of above 45 older people leave some work and job, and give more time with their family. For example; In Time's of India, after few months ago they reported that human are doing their work with enthusiasm under 25 to 45 years old. After this age, they should rest. On the contrary, the latter view suggest that individual getting some work and job, If they want, because some older people need to do work after their age of retirement, due to they are only person who earn the livelihood for their family. So that, they could work. besides this, some work are very tough for them. Therefor, individual can job and work in some office, and on computer work. In fact, they can work from home on their personal PC at home. Furthermore, they could look after their family member, and do it easy from home. To conclude, In give my opinion, I would say that many people who are adge of their retirement, they should take rest in their life. Although, some individual do their work when they want. I think this is most ideal way to deal with this situation. In a big picture, human would follow some way; according to their choice, and need.
There
are split
opinion regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of retire.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
some
Did you mean "humans"?
human
deem that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 65, it is a fine to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
whereas
, another group of thinkers support; if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, they should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
for it.
however
both has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pros and cons.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
commenting my decision,
Did you mean "I"?
i
will discuss
further
in essay.

Examining the former view, the primary argument the supporters would put forward is
Possible spelling mistake found.
olderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 65,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of go up that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, they are
Possible spelling mistake found.
unabled
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
; like heavy lifting.
Moreover
,
Possible agreement error. The noun kind seems to be countable; consider using: "several kinds".
several kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, which have need more stamina.
In addition
, they
also
believe that year of above 45 older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and job, and give more time with their family.
For example
; In Time's of India, after few months ago they reported that human are doing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with enthusiasm under 25 to 45 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. After this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, they should rest.

On the contrary
, the latter view suggest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and job, If they want,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
, due to they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
person who earn the livelihood for their family.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that, they could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
besides
this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "works"?
work
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
tough for them. Therefor,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
can job and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
office, and on computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. In fact, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home on their personal PC at home.
Furthermore
, they could look after their family member, and do it easy from home.

To conclude
, In give my opinion, I would say that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
Possible spelling mistake found.
adge
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
, they should take rest in their life. Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "individuals"?
individual
do their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
when they want. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is
Did you mean "the most"?
most
ideal way to deal with this situation. In a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
picture, human would follow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
way; according to their choice, and need.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that people should retire at the age of 65. Whilst others believe that they should be allowed to work as long as they want to. What is your point of view? Discuss

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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