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Some people believe that old employees are good for companies but other think that adults are good ones. Discuss both views and give your own opinion?

Some people believe that old employees are good for companies but other think that adults are good ones. RNWJp
Undoubtedly, workers are crucial part of every business which take businesses at higher level of success. However, a majority of people consider that senior employees are beneficial for industries revolutions because they are more patients and have huge knowledge. On the other hand, the another section of society support young people the reason is that they have well familiar with modern techniques, more energetic as well. This easy will shed light on both prospective along with my perception. The one school of thought said that grey haired people are essential for businesses to get a achievements. In addition to this, the old workers are so much patients rather than youngsters so that is why they can handle any situations with stay patiently. Even though, senior citizens are knowing vastly about the previous methods which they used to achieving their goals and got lots of success in earlier times. For example, Anil Ambani who is older but have a successful business person. Beside that, he not only earn vast amount of wealth to use his old techniques but also so much name and fame which involve him in a list of world’s rich and successful businessmen’s name. The another school of thought believe that young people are necessary for the progress of companies as compared with older because they are the future of nations. Furthermore, the main reason is that adults are most energetic than senior employees so that is why they are doing their work more quickly to get faster results. Moving further, , the energy level of adults allow them to increase dramatically numbers of success and opportunities of their promotions. In contrast, young people are a new generation of regions so they have profound in modern technologies as well as they reach their businesses at peak level of progress due to expanding these latest techniques which lead to lots of promotion chances. For instance, Buzz Khalifa in Dubai which completed in 4 January 2010 is an example of young architecture’s work who utilised modern methods to build it. In conclusion, although, older and younger masses are providing achievements to their businesses in various manners. In my opinion, they both are similar for the drastic rise of industry’s progression with their own ways. Likewise, if grey haired people have previous techniques than adults have latest ones. Due to the mixture of both the methods which can take business at peak level of success and progress.
Undoubtedly
, workers are crucial part of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
which take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
at higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
However
, a majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider that senior employees are beneficial for industries revolutions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are more patients and have huge knowledge.
On the other hand
, the another section of society support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the reason is that they have well familiar with modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
techniques
, more energetic
as well
. This easy will shed light on both prospective along with my perception.

The one school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
said that
Possible spelling mistake. 'grey' is British English.
grey
haired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a achievement" or simply "achievements"?
a achievements
.
In addition
to this, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
workers are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
patients
rather
than youngsters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that is
why they can handle any situations with stay
patiently
.
Even though
, senior citizens
The verb 'knowing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are knowing
vastly
about the previous methods which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to achieving their goals and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in earlier times.
For example
, Anil
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ambani
who is older
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
have a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
person. Beside that, he not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "earns", "earned".
earn
vast amount of wealth to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
his
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
techniques
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much name and fame which involve him in a list of world’s rich and successful businessmen’s name.

The another school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are necessary for the progress of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
as compared with older
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are the future of nations.
Furthermore
, the main reason is that adults are most
Use "(energetic)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
energetic
than senior employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that is
why they are doing their work more
quickly
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
faster results. Moving
further
,
Two consecutive commas
,
the energy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of adults
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to increase
dramatically
numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
and opportunities of their promotions.
In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are a new generation of regions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they have profound in modern technologies
as well
as they reach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
at peak
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of progress due to expanding these latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
techniques
which lead to lots of promotion chances.
For instance
, Buzz Khalifa in Dubai which completed in 4 January 2010 is an example of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
architecture’s work who
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
modern methods to build it.

In conclusion
, although, older and younger masses are providing achievements to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
in various manners. In my opinion, they both are similar for the drastic rise of industry’s progression with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
ways.
Likewise
, if
Possible spelling mistake. 'grey' is British English.
grey
haired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have previous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
techniques
than adults have
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
ones. Due to the mixture of both the methods which can take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
at peak
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
and progress.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that old employees are good for companies but other think that adults are good ones.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
406 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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