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Today, more and more computers and laptops are using in hospitals, schools, offices and banks. Some people think that these tools improve the conditions of those sectors. Do you agree or disagree?

Today, more and more computers and laptops are using in hospitals, schools, offices and banks. Some people think that these tools improve the conditions of those sectors. e58nJ
Due to rapid advancement in technology which upgrade the versions of computers and laptops day by day as well as allowing health centres, an educational centres, government offices and banks to expand those tools. Moreover, a section of society deems that to utilise those gadgets in various areas can enhance their conditions. However, I strongly accord with the perception because these modern equipment assist several sectors to keep safe their records, easy to search information, handle accounts and so many in different manners. There are multifarious factors to support this prospective and an initial is that nowadays more and more work are online so that is why all sectors are fully dependent on computers, laptops and others who are crucial for these. Additionally, a majority of schools in fact almost schools utilise PC and laptops to save the records related to their students, schools finance and etcetera. On the other hand, today a vast amount of exam are holding on online with the help of internet and give results quickly. For example, Google, YouTube and other websites are also beneficial for learners to search information regarding their studies. Apart from this, a huge proportion of students complete their projects, assignments as well with using modern gadgets. Likewise, computers and laptops offer aids to hospitals in their medical treatments, record data about their patients, knowledge related to medicine stocks and many more. In addition to this, these tools are helpful to run large machines of medical centres like MRI, CSPAN, X-RAY machines and so on. Moving further, the another major benefit of this notion is that these gadgets assist banks to preserve information about customers, records about withdrawal and deposit money, opening accounts as well. In contrast, it is not easy task for banks to save records in form of papers which take a lots of time. For instance, ATM (Automatic taller machines) beneficial for humans to withdraw cash in an emergency who operated by computers. Even though, regime offices not only use computers and laptops to preserve information but also make documents related to citizens such as birth certificate, driving license, adhar card and etcetera at online and everyone check data related to them comfortably staying at home. Similarly, authority offices can faster find any records with the help of those gadgets. In conclusion, although, computers and laptops make it convenient for different sectors to work quickly due to expanding these gadgets but these reduce dramatically importance of masses in these areas. Nevertheless, presence of these tools can provide huge enhancement in the situations of various fields as compared with earlier periods.
Due to rapid advancement in technology which upgrade the versions of computers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptops
day by day
as well
as allowing health
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, an educational
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "centre"?
centres
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
offices and banks to expand those tools.
Moreover
, a section of society deems that to
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
in various areas can enhance their conditions.
However
, I
strongly
accord with the perception
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these modern equipment assist several sectors to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
safe their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
records
, easy to search
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, handle accounts and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
manners.

There are multifarious factors to support this prospective and an initial is that nowadays more and more work are online
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that is
why all sectors are
fully
dependent on computers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptops
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
who are crucial for these.
Additionally
, a majority of schools in fact almost schools
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
PC and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptops
to save the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
records
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
to their students, schools finance and etcetera.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
a vast amount of exam are holding on online with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of internet and give results
quickly
.
For example
, Google, YouTube and other websites are
also
beneficial for learners to search
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
regarding their studies. Apart from this, a huge proportion of students complete their projects, assignments
as well
with using modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
.
Likewise
, computers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptops
offer aids to hospitals in their medical treatments,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
record
data about their patients, knowledge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
to medicine stocks and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.
In addition
to this, these tools are helpful to run large machines of medical
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
like MRI,
Possible spelling mistake found.
CSPAN
, X-RAY machines and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

Moving
further
, the another major benefit of this notion is that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
assist banks to preserve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about customers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
records
about withdrawal and deposit money, opening accounts
as well
.
In contrast
, it is not easy task for banks to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
records
in form of papers which take
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a lot" or simply "lots"?
a lots
of time.
For instance
, ATM (Automatic taller machines) beneficial for humans to withdraw cash in an emergency who operated by computers.
Even though
, regime offices not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptops
to preserve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
documents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
to citizens such as birth certificate, driving license,
Possible spelling mistake found.
adhar
card and etcetera at online and everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
data
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
to them
comfortably
staying at home.
Similarly
, authority offices can faster find any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
records
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of those gadgets.

In conclusion
, although, computers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptops
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it convenient for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sectors to work
quickly
due to expanding these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
dramatically
importance of masses in these areas.
Nevertheless
, presence of these tools can provide huge enhancement in the situations of various fields as compared with earlier periods.
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IELTS essay Today, more and more computers and laptops are using in hospitals, schools, offices and banks. Some people think that these tools improve the conditions of those sectors.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
432 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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