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Some people believe that government should help and look after old people, but others believe that people should have money for their lives on the future. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

Some people believe that government should help and look after old people, but others believe that people should have money for their lives on the future. Lrq2G
A fraction of the population holds the notion that the government should take the responsibility of looking after older adults. Whereas the opponents propound that, people should find a way to taking care of themselves at their older age. This essay would delve into both viewpoints and try to arrive at a rational conclusion. First and foremost, senior citizens, arguably, are the assets of the nation; thereby, a country can utilise their experience and abundant knowledge fruitfully. However, when the population becomes old, they face physical as well as cognitive issues. In this highly competitive world, most young professionals are unemployed or underpaid. Moreover, most of them lead a hectic lifestyle. So, they struggle to support their old parents not only in monetary terms but in mental as well. The state could take necessary steps to engage older people profitably, and also, they could provide financial support; in turn, it would eventually give them the feeling of safety and security. Besides, it should not be overlooked that people at their younger ages play a pivotal role in their country's economy by contributing as tax, foreign exchange, and so on. For instance, in Kerala, the government provides an older pension for all citizens after fifty-five. Thus it is a blessing for the family who is struggling to meet their day-to-day expenses. Nevertheless, as the critics postulate, when the government implements an old-age pension system, even the active and energetic people may feel an aversion towards doing something to earn for them. It resulted in making them lethargic. In addition, there are a lot of affluent people who don't need this authority support. On the contrary, for some others, the amount is insufficient to meet their basic needs. Therefore, all the old generations should not be considered with a similar attitude. On top of all this, there have been many other issues in a country. The state has to give prior consideration like environmental issues. In short, if the government shouldn't spend a lot on the prosperity of their senior citizens, they could use that in more emergency needs, even though the contribution of older people in a nation drives greater importance. Ergo, I strongly believe it is a positive trend to provide old-age pension to boost the self-esteem of senior citizens.
A fraction of the population holds the notion that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should take the responsibility of looking after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
adults. Whereas the opponents propound that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should find a way to taking care of themselves at their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
age. This essay would delve into both viewpoints and try to arrive at a rational conclusion.

First
and foremost, senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
,
arguably
, are the assets of the nation; thereby, a country can
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
their experience and abundant knowledge
fruitfully
.
However
, when the population becomes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, they face physical
as well
as cognitive issues. In this
highly
competitive world, most young professionals
are unemployed
or underpaid.
Moreover
, most of them lead a hectic lifestyle.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they struggle to support their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
parents not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in monetary terms
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in mental
as well
. The state could take necessary steps to engage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
profitably
, and
also
, they could provide financial support; in turn, it would
eventually
give them the feeling of safety and security.
Besides
, it should not
be overlooked
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at their younger ages play a pivotal role in their country's economy by contributing as tax, foreign exchange, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
For instance
, in Kerala, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
provides an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
pension for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
after fifty-five.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
it is a blessing for the family who is struggling to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their day-to-day expenses.

Nevertheless
, as the critics postulate, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
implements an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-age pension system, even the active and energetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may feel an aversion towards doing something to earn for them. It resulted in making them lethargic.
In addition
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who don't need this authority support.
On the contrary
, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others, the amount is insufficient to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their basic needs.
Therefore
, all the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
generations should not
be considered
with a similar attitude. On top of all this, there have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other issues in a country. The state
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
give prior consideration like environmental issues.

In short, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
shouldn't spend a lot on the prosperity of their senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
, they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
that in more emergency needs,
even though
the contribution of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a nation drives greater importance. Ergo, I
strongly
believe it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend to provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-age pension to boost the self-esteem of senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
.

IELTS essay Some people believe that government should help and look after old people, but others believe that people should have money for their lives on the future.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
380 words
8.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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