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Some people believe that finding a job is essential after graduation while others believe that continuing education proves to be more essential Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

Some people believe that finding a job is essential after graduation while others believe that continuing education proves to be more essential Discuss both sides and give your own opinion MMw59
It is tough decision to make for students after graduation that either to pursue higher studies or start employment. There are people who argue that looking for an employment is necessary after graduation while some are in favour of higher studies. This essay will discuss both the arguments and prove how improving education level is a better option. On the one hand, students can overcome their financial burdens by starting a job and earning money. In this economic stressed times many people are in debts and they need money to come out of the stress and live a normal life. Fox example, a higher suicide rate was witnessed among students in America in last decade because 70 percent of students have education loans. Thus, they desperately need a job to start earning and pay off their loans. On the other hand, continuing education brings more specialised opportunities. Specialisation in a field can be achieved by further education and this helps in getting higher paid jobs. For instance, graduates of civil engineering who are better qualified are at managerial level in Roads and Transport Authority Dubai and earning significantly more than other simple graduates. Therefore, pursuing higher studies proves fruitful ultimately. In conclusion, a person may start a job to earn money or he may continue his studies depending upon his priorities. In my opinion, higher education level is the winner in the end.
It is tough decision to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
after graduation that either to pursue higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
employment. There are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who argue that looking for an employment is necessary after graduation while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. This essay will discuss both the arguments and prove how improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
level is a better option.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can overcome their financial burdens by starting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and earning money. In this economic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
times
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
debts and
they need money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a normal life. Fox example, a higher suicide rate
was witnessed
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in America in last decade
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
70 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
loans.
Thus
, they
desperately
need a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
earning and pay off their loans.

On the other hand
, continuing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
brings more
Possible spelling mistake. 'specialised' is British English.
specialised
opportunities.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Specialisation' is British English.
Specialisation
in a field can
be achieved
by
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in getting higher paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
For instance
, graduates of civil engineering who are better qualified are at managerial level in Roads and Transport Authority Dubai and earning
significantly
more than other simple graduates.
Therefore
, pursuing higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
proves fruitful
ultimately
.

In conclusion
, a person may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to earn
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
money or
he may continue his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
depending upon his priorities. In my opinion, higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
level is the winner in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that finding a job is essential after graduation while others believe that continuing education proves to be more essential Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
233 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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