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Some people believe that family is more important than friends. What do you think?

Some people believe that family is more important than friends. What do you think? 21Aj
Everyone has a lot of people in their life either they are living with them i. e, family or socially surrounding them i. e, friends, meanwhile, one has to prioritize them according to the value in their life. This essay explains the importance of relatives in a person's life. While a person has a keen attraction towards their similar age group people, the value of blood relation cannot be denied at any cost legally and ethically. Moreover, the blood relation is expected to financially aid a person. To begin with, in every perspective either religious, ethical or legal family has greater importance than social gatherings, although friends always give us good memories and keep us entertained still in all thick and thins only the family stays with us. For Example, an older person's who cannot take care of themselves cannot rely on their friends, on the contrary, it is their family who keeps them healthy. Additionally, it is only the family who supports an individual financially without questioning any liabilities, while living with a fellow is all fun yet one has to put an equal share in the living cost. For instance, In religious and governmental laws parents are responsible for bare all responsibilities of their children while it is nowhere written that a person is accountable for their companions. In conclusion, all the people in someone's life have certain emotions attached to them, but we shall always know the significance of a tribe they live with. So, in time of need, they shall not feel alone.
Everyone has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
either they are living with them i. e,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
or
socially
surrounding them i. e, friends, meanwhile, one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
prioritize them according to the value in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
the importance of relatives in a person's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. While a person has a keen attraction towards their similar age group
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, the value of blood relation cannot
be denied
at any cost
legally
and
ethically
.
Moreover
, the blood relation is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to
financially
aid a person.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in every perspective either religious, ethical or legal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has greater importance than social gatherings, although friends always give us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
memories and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
us entertained
still
in all thick and thins
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
stays with us.
For Example
, an older person's who cannot take care of themselves cannot rely on their friends,
on the contrary
, it is their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
them healthy.

Additionally
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
who supports an individual
financially
without questioning any liabilities, while living with a fellow is all fun
yet
one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
put an equal share in the living cost.
For instance
, In religious and governmental laws parents are responsible for bare all responsibilities of their children while it is nowhere written that a person is accountable for their companions.

In conclusion
, all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in someone's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
have certain emotions attached to them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we shall always know the significance of a tribe they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, in time of need, they shall not feel alone.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that family is more important than friends. What do you think?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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