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Some People Believe That Doing Sport at School Is a Distraction from More Important Work

Some People Believe That Doing Sport at School Is a Distraction from More Important Work o5QWg
A lot of people argue that there is a number of more important subjects than PE in the school curriculum. I would not say that I completely disagree with this statement, but I do not agree with it either. Personally, I think that going in for sports has its own advantages as well as some disadvantages. In my opinion, going in for sports at school isn't a distraction from more important classes because, as I see it, there are not „more“ and „less important“ studies. On the contrary, doing sports makes the body fit and educational institutions should pursue students to lead healthier life. On top of that, not everyone wants to be an astrophysicist or a historian. Plentiful of students wish to perhaps be professional soccer players or competent dancers so, from my point of view, it would not be a bad idea for schools to help those kind of students pursue their dreams of becoming paid-off athletes. Undoubtedly, they would still have to attend other required syllabuses and subjects and try to do their best in them. So, in order to approach this „problem“, I suggest that sports should be put to the timetable after other regular classes and mayhaps starting some before or after-school sport clubs would not be a bad idea either. To wrap it all up, physical activities as part of the school program play an unquestionably important role in students’ schooling and preparing for their potential careers in the future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that there is a number of more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
subjects than PE in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum. I would not say that I completely disagree with this statement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with it either.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that going in for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
advantages
as well
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages.

In my opinion, going in for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
isn't a distraction from more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
classes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, as I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it, there are not
Possibly wrong smart opening quote: "“".
„
more“ and
Possibly wrong smart opening quote: "“".
„
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important“
studies.
On the contrary
, doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the body fit and educational institutions should pursue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to lead healthier life.
On top of that
, not everyone wants to be an astrophysicist or a historian. Plentiful of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
wish to perhaps be professional soccer players or competent dancers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, from my point of view, it would not be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
Did you mean "this kind" or "those kinds"?
those kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
pursue their dreams of becoming paid-off athletes.
Undoubtedly
, they would
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
attend other required syllabuses and subjects and try to do their best in them.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, in order to approach this
Possibly wrong smart opening quote: "“".
„
problem“, I suggest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should
be put
to the timetable after other regular classes and
Possible spelling mistake found.
mayhaps
starting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
or after-school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
clubs would not be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
either.

To wrap it all up, physical activities as part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
program play an
unquestionably
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
schooling and preparing for their potential careers in the future.
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IELTS essay Some People Believe That Doing Sport at School Is a Distraction from More Important Work

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
246 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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