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Some people believe that children's leisure activities must be educational; otherwise they are complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience.

Some people believe that children's leisure activities must be educational; otherwise they are complete waste of time. oQRK
Nowadays parents are very concern about developing different skills of their children also education is very essentials. Some people think that the leisure time of children must also be education. But I absolutely disagree with this statement. As per my opinion children can do different activities rather than education to develop skills. Firstly, children become more happy and joyful when they work as per their interest. By perusing different activities in leisure time one can improve physical abilities, developed skills and it also help to gain imagination power. For example, while playing with others they can know how to communicate and develop skills to complete task. Additionally, while education is added in leisure activities children loosing their interest in study. They feel stress and bored. Sometimes through leisure task they find their hidden talents. As per my experience I developed my sports skills by playing with other child and identified my interest. Thus for developing skills and abilities one must also participate in different activities. It helps to find one interest also in develop career in students. So it play an important role in children's growth period.
Nowadays parents are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
concern about developing
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different
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skills
of their
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children
also
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education
is
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very
essentials.
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Some
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
time of
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children
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must
also
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
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But
I
absolutely
disagree with this statement.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
per my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
rather
than
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education
to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become more happy and joyful when they work as per their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
. By perusing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
time one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
physical abilities, developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and it
also
Did you mean "helps"?
help
to gain imagination power.
For example
, while playing with others they can know how to communicate and develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
to complete task.
Additionally
, while
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education
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
loosing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
in study. They feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and bored.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
task they find their hidden talents. As per my experience I developed my sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
by playing with other child and identified my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
for developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and abilities one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
also
participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to find one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
also
in develop career in students.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it
Did you mean "plays"?
play
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in children's growth period.

IELTS essay Some people believe that children's leisure activities must be educational; otherwise they are complete waste of time.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
187 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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