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some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. other believe that children should be allowed to use their phones.

some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. other believe that children should be allowed to use their phones. Ga7B
It is often seen that nowadays, every pupils have their own smartphones. few individuals argue that children should be prohibited from utilise their phone in their academy days. while other think it is a beneficial for students. This essay will attend to analyse both the views along with my perspective. first of all, having smart phone contains several positive points for students in order to assist in their studies To explicate it, through their phones people always connected to internet so they connected to their education in every trouble situation even there without going to school For instance, in COVID-19 when everywhere all around the world government was announced lock down and people quarantine in their houses so children do not able to go school, then teachers want to take online classes via mobile phones moreover, through using mobile phones young age children caught several information easily owing to, there are various kind of mobile educational application which teach children to in Very convenient method hence, they enhance dear more general knowledge in order to up-to-date with every news. Very convenient method hence they enhance dear more general knowledge in order to up-to-date with every news. on the other hand, providing smartphones to youngster at an early age bring dertimental effects on their health For example, in India many students tolerate from weak eyesight because, they use mobile phone for myraid of hours in watching entertainment videos or playing games instead of learning about their studies. Therefore, they do not concentrate on our studies or become careless about their future. Apart from this, using mobile phones pupils only contribute in their social world they do not think about real-world Thus, if children spend their time on only in their social a word they do not know how to behave with the community. to conclude, although there are several advantage of this however, I think smartphone would help to students learn more about in their schooling by providing them every piece of knowledge if they use smartphone in the right way.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that nowadays, every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "pupil"?
pupils
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
smartphones.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
few
individuals argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be prohibited
from
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
in their academy days.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
while
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is a beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. This essay will attend to
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
both the views along with my perspective.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
, having smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
contains several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
points for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in order to assist in their studies To explicate it, through their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
always connected to internet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they connected to their education in every trouble situation even there without going to school
For instance
, in COVID-19 when everywhere all around the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
was announced
lock down and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
quarantine in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not able to go school, then teachers want to take online classes via mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
moreover
, through using mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
young age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
caught
Possible agreement error. The noun information seems to be uncountable; consider using: "some information".
several information
easily
owing to, there are various kind of mobile educational application which teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Very
convenient method
hence
, they enhance dear more general knowledge in order to up-to-date with every news.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Very
convenient method
hence
they enhance dear more general knowledge in order to up-to-date with every news.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the other hand, providing smartphones to youngster at an early age bring
Possible spelling mistake found.
dertimental
effects on their health
For example
, in India
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
tolerate from weak eyesight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
myraid
of hours in watching entertainment videos or playing games
instead
of learning about their studies.
Therefore
, they do not concentrate on our studies or become careless about their future. Apart from this, using mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
pupils
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
contribute in their social world they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about real-world
Thus
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend their time on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in their social a word they do not know how to behave with the community.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
to
conclude, although there are
Possible agreement error. The noun advantage seems to be countable; consider using: "several advantages".
several advantage
of this
however
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
smartphone would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
learn more about in their schooling by providing them every piece of knowledge if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
smartphone in the right way.
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IELTS essay some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. other believe that children should be allowed to use their phones.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
340 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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