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Some people believe students should attend gym classes in school to improve their haelth and fitness,while others believe school should only focus on academic subjects.Do you think students should have gym classes in school?why or why not?

Some people believe students should attend gym classes in school to improve their haelth and fitness, while others believe school should only focus on academic subjects. Do you think students should have gym classes in school? why or why not? QLlxX
Education which is given by school is made up an important part of individuals’ lives. However, there is disagreement about the content of subjects. Many people claim that school should provide intellectual lesson instead of physical, whereas others defend that gym classes are as important as other lessons and I totally agree with this idea. First of all, the majority of children begin school at their early ages. During education process, not only their cognitive skills but also their physical characteristics change constantly. For this reason, pupils should be encouraged to participate in gym classes to be grown as a future’s healthy adults. Moreover, a study which is carried out Oxford University reveals that children who take part in gym class effectively show more success than children who don’t attend. According to this study, physical activities are beneficial not only for body health but also intellectual activity. On the other hand, limitations of subjects with academic ones lead to disapperance of many children physical skills. As every child differs from each other. They have various tendencies in different fields. When some of them are successful in science, some of them show great accomplishment in sports such as basketball and football. Because of this, subjects which are provided by school should be comprehensive. In summary, children should be led various type of classes for their intellectual and physical health. By doing this, their skills are uncovered and they are able to get convenient education in accordance with their skills.
Education which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is made
up an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of individuals’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
However
, there is disagreement about the content of subjects.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should provide intellectual lesson
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
, whereas others defend that gym
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
are as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
lessons and I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
at their early ages. During education process, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their cognitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
characteristics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
constantly
.
For this reason
, pupils should
be encouraged
to participate in gym
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
to
be grown
as a future’s healthy adults.
Moreover
, a study which
is carried
out Oxford University reveals that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in gym
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
effectively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
more success than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who don’t attend. According to this study,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities are beneficial not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for body health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
intellectual activity.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, limitations of subjects with academic ones lead to
Possible spelling mistake found.
disapperance
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
every child differs from each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. They have various tendencies in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fields. When
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them are successful in science,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
great accomplishment in sports such as basketball and football.
Because of this
, subjects which
are provided
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should be comprehensive.

In summary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be led
various type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
for their intellectual and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
health. By doing this, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
uncovered and
they are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
convenient education in accordance with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe students should attend gym classes in school to improve their haelth and fitness, while others believe school should only focus on academic subjects. Do you think students should have gym classes in school? why or why not?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
248 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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