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some people aver that, a large chunk of money is squandered on these events, which is fruitless and I concur with the statement due to many reasons.

some people aver that, a large chunk of money is squandered on these events, which is fruitless and I concur with the statement due to many reasons. o88yq
Occasions are considered as an important aspect of lives as these provide chance to enjoy the special day, which comes once in life or a year. Meanwhile, some people aver that, a large chunk of money is squandered on these events, which is fruitless and I concur with the statement due to many reasons. At the outset, some masses celebrate family functions to flaunt their money as they belong to rich society and to maintain their status they have to make these function splendid. Apart from this, many dwellers think that these celebrations only happen once in live so to make these memorable they spend their saving. To illustrate, in many Asian countries, five to eight lakhs rupees are spent on wedding and these functions persist for more than a month. Moreover, a plethora of ritual things are done in these functions and in this way our culture passes from one generation to another. On the other hand, loan is taken from bank to celebrate family functions. This is not a wise decision, just for personal ego or to show off money should not be wasted. As to accumulate it one has to do hard work around the clock. Last but not the least, instead of squandering money on celebrations, it should be saved for future. This is because, a lot of ups and down come in lives and in worse time our healthy bank balance helps us to overcome the issues. To conclude, although functions are indispensable for human beings, money should be spent wisely on these events.
Occasions
are considered
as an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
as these provide chance to enjoy the special day, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
once in life or a year. Meanwhile,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
aver that, a large chunk of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is squandered
on these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, which is fruitless and I concur with the statement due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons.

At the outset,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
masses celebrate family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
functions
to flaunt their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as they belong to rich society and to maintain their status they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
function
splendid. Apart from this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
dwellers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that these celebrations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
happen once in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
these memorable they spend their saving. To illustrate, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Asian countries, five to eight lakhs rupees
are spent
on wedding and these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
functions
persist for more than a month.
Moreover
, a plethora of ritual things
are done
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
functions
and in this way our culture passes from one generation to another.

On the other hand
, loan
is taken
from bank to celebrate family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
functions
. This is not a wise decision,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for personal ego or to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should not
be wasted
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
to accumulate it one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work around the clock. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least,
instead
of squandering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on celebrations, it should
be saved
for future. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
ups and down
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and in worse time our healthy bank balance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to overcome the issues.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
functions
are indispensable for human beings,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should
be spent
wisely
on these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
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IELTS essay some people aver that, a large chunk of money is squandered on these events, which is fruitless and I concur with the statement due to many reasons.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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