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Some people argue that technological inventions such as mobile phones making people socially less interactive. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people argue that technological inventions such as mobile phones making people socially less interactive. v. 1
The technological advancements in the 20th century have been beyond our wildest expectations, and the phenomena like IT revolution has resulted in evolution of platforms namely, facetime, video calls, etc, that has made face to face interaction possible, even while sitting in any part of the world. Some critics assert that this new way of communication has a damaging effect on the social activity of the people, whereas I completly disagree with this and the essay will outline the benefits of the advanced way of communication. Firstly, the mobile communication has made it possible to have video calls with a person, may be sitting in another country and it feels like that the person is sitting adjacent to us. In other words, gone are those old days, when we have to wait for years to meet our near and dear ones. Now a days friends, for instance, creates whatsapp group and do group video calls, consequently their old friendships are intact even, if they are living across the globe. Moreover, due to hectic lifestyle no one has time to visit each other physically, so people with common interests creates a group on social media applications and interact on the fly. Secondly, since the internet has provided certain platforms, where we can meet new people with same ideology as ours, so the social circle of an individual grows. A good example of this can be the Facebook, it provides facility to create groups like arts club, cricket club etc and stranger join these considering their common interest, so they meet up and this expands their social circle. Furthermore, some people meeting up through the internet have ended by marrying each other. So, not only friends, it bolsters in building life long relations. To conclude, the new way of communication is lightening fast, thereby reducing the long distance to just a press of a button. It is a more convinent than the old method since it saves lots of time and energy as you do not need to see each other for a conversation.
The technological advancements in the 20th century have been beyond our wildest expectations, and the phenomena like IT revolution has resulted in evolution of platforms
namely
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
facetime
, video calls, etc, that has made face to face interaction possible, even while sitting in any part of the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
critics assert that this new way of communication has a damaging effect on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
activity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, whereas I
Possible spelling mistake found.
completly
disagree with this and the essay will outline the benefits of the advanced way of communication.

Firstly
, the mobile communication has made it possible to have video calls with a person, may be sitting in another country and it feels like that the person is sitting adjacent to us. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, gone are those
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
days, when we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wait for years to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
our near and dear ones.
Did you mean "nowadays"?
Now a days
friends,
for instance
, creates
Possible spelling mistake found.
whatsapp
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
and do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
video calls,
consequently
their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
friendships are intact even, if they are living across the globe.
Moreover
, due to hectic lifestyle no one has time to visit each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
physically
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with common interests creates a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media applications and interact on the
fly
.

Secondly
, since the internet has provided certain platforms, where we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with same ideology as ours,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
circle of an individual grows. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of this can be the Facebook, it provides facility to create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
like arts club, cricket club etc and stranger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
these considering their common interest,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
up and this expands their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
circle.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
meeting up through the internet have ended by marrying each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
friends, it bolsters in building life long relations.

To conclude
, the new way of communication is lightening
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
, thereby reducing the long distance to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a press of a button. It is a more
Possible spelling mistake found.
convinent
than the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
method since it saves lots of time and energy as you do not need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
for a conversation.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people argue that technological inventions such as mobile phones making people socially less interactive. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
342 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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