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Some people argue that technological inventions such as mobile phones are making people socially less interactive. Do you agree or disagree? v.5

Some people argue that technological inventions such as mobile phones are making people socially less interactive. v. 5
Undoubtedly, technology has revolutionized the way we communicate these days. There are sets of people who consider that invention like mobile phone are making people less social. In my opinion, I agree with this statement to some extend as per the notion, technology is a two edge sword which offers both merits as well as demerits. To commence with, the introduction of mobile phones is a blessing in disguise for the people. As this invention immensely helped people to strengthen their relationship with their loved ones living at far distances. Now they can easily talk face to face anywhere and anytime. Consequently, they became more socially active. For example, in the bygone era, people used to write letters or telegram which took longer to reach their family members. However, now they can talk to any person just at their finger click. Moreover, the social messaging application such as WhatsApp in these advanced phones bolster /enables people to become part of many social groups. Thus, they become socially connected and grows a healthy social network with others. On the other hand, there are some demerits as well of excessive phone usage, which make people less social as they develop more virtual relationships but lacks in real relationships. People spend a lot of time with their mobile phones rather than spending time with their friends and family members. This leads to isolation. For instance, earlier people used to gather at the dining table and spend some quality time with their kins and alter ego. But nowadays everyone is busy using their phones while sitting on the dining table and interact less with each other. Hence, due to this reason people are becoming socially disabled and isolated. In conclusion, I assert that the suffice use mobile phone is a boon to the mankind and its excessive use is detrimental. So it is up to people to decide how wisely they want to use this technological creation for socialization.
Undoubtedly
, technology has revolutionized the way we communicate these days. There are sets of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who consider that invention like mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
are making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean the noun "extent"?
extend
as per the notion, technology is a two edge sword which offers both merits
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
demerits.

To commence with, the introduction of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
is a blessing in disguise for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
this invention
immensely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to strengthen their relationship with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
Did you mean "one's"?
ones
living at far distances.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
they can
easily
talk face to face anywhere and anytime.
Consequently
, they became more
socially
active.
For example
, in the bygone era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to write letters or telegram which took longer to reach their family members.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they can talk to any person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
at their finger click.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
messaging application such as WhatsApp in these advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
bolster /enables
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to become part of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
groups.
Thus
, they become
socially
connected and grows a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
network with others.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
demerits
as well
of excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
usage, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
as they develop more virtual relationships
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
lacks in real relationships.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time with their mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
rather
than spending time with their friends and family members. This leads to isolation.
For instance
, earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to gather at the dining table and spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
quality time with their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "kin", the plural form of the noun 'kin'?
kins
and alter ego.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
nowadays everyone is busy using their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
while sitting on the dining table and interact less with each other.
Hence
, due to this reason
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming
socially
disabled and isolated.

In conclusion
, I assert that
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'suffice' is correct. If 'suffice' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the suffice
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is a boon to the mankind and its excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
is detrimental.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is up to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to decide how
wisely
they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this technological creation for socialization.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Some people argue that technological inventions such as mobile phones are making people socially less interactive. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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