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Some people argue job satisfaction is more important than job security. Others believe a permanent job is more important. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Arguments are sparked over whether individuals should pay more attention on job security or job satisfaction. Although, a steady occupation is important, I still believe job satisfaction is more necessary. On the one hand, job security can ensure employees live in a stable lives. To explain, even if some emergency happens, the permanent workers do not need to worry about being fired. Take coronavirus as an example, a large amount of companies cannot withstand the economic depression caused by coronavirus, as a result, they bankrupted and many workers unemployed. In this case, a steady work seems to be particularly important. Therefore, even if some private sectors provide better-paying jobs, many young people still want to become civil servants. On the other hand, job satisfaction can help people upgrade themselves. To be more specific, if employees can feel satisfied, they can be more motivated to finish their work tasks. Through such process, they may attain more skills related to their jobs. For example, if a cooker really love his job and is acknowledged by clients. He may be more willing to training his cooking skills and always in a good mood when cooking. From my perspective, job satisfaction can encourage workers devote their time in the realm they love so that make more contribution to the society. This is because, provided that individuals work in the place they love and satisfied, they may spend a lot of time to investigate how to perform better. We can see such quality clearly from scientists, they must be satisfied towards their job and they always be enthusiastic to working which can devise many beneficial things to society. Same as the ordinary people. To conclude, job satisfaction can help individuals upgrade themselves and bring benefits to society which is better then seek a stable job to avoid being fired.
Arguments
are sparked
over whether individuals should pay more attention on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
security or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
. Although, a steady occupation is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, I
still
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
is more necessary.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
security can ensure employees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a stable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, even if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
emergency happens, the permanent workers do not need to worry about
being fired
. Take coronavirus as an example, a large amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
cannot withstand the economic depression caused by coronavirus,
as a result
, they bankrupted and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
workers unemployed.
In this case
, a steady work seems to be
particularly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
Therefore
, even if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
private sectors provide better-paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
still
want to become civil servants.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
upgrade themselves. To be more specific, if employees can feel satisfied, they can be more motivated to finish their work tasks. Through such process, they may attain more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
related to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
For example
, if a cooker
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and
is acknowledged
by clients. He may be more willing to training his cooking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and always in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
mood when cooking.

From my perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
can encourage workers devote their time in the realm they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more contribution to the society. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, provided that individuals work in the place they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and satisfied, they may spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time to investigate how to perform better. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
such quality
clearly
from scientists, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be satisfied
towards their
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
job and
they
The adverb ‘always’ is usually put after the verb ‘be’.
always be
enthusiastic to working which can devise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
beneficial things to society. Same as the ordinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
individuals upgrade themselves and bring benefits to society which is
Did you mean “better than”?
better then
seek a stable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to avoid
being fired
.
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IELTS essay Some people argue job satisfaction is more important than job security. Others believe a permanent job is more important.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
304 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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