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SOME PEOPE SAY THAT PEOPLE SHOULD ENCOURAGE THEIR CHILDREN TO TAKE PART IN ORGANISED GROUP ACTIVITIES IN THEIR FREE TIME. OTHERS SAY IT IS IMPORTANT FOR CHILDREN TO LEARN HOW TO OCCUPY THEMSELVES ON THEIR OWN. DICUSS BOTH THESE VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION v.1

SOME PEOPE SAY THAT PEOPLE SHOULD ENCOURAGE THEIR CHILDREN TO TAKE PART IN ORGANISED GROUP ACTIVITIES IN THEIR FREE TIME. OTHERS SAY IT IS IMPORTANT FOR CHILDREN TO LEARN HOW TO OCCUPY THEMSELVES ON THEIR OWN. DICUSS BOTH THESE VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION v. 1
Parenting has become the most difficult task nowadays, with people giving more attention to the different aspects of upbringing a child, than ever before. One such topic that concerns the parents and has become quite controversial in the recent times is regarding the engagement of the kids during their free time. While some believe that children should be encouraged to take part in organized group activities in their free time, some others emphasize the importance of kids learning to occupy themselves on their own. This essay will discuss both these views and conclude with an opinion. Every parent is a well wisher of their child and they always aim for overall development of their kids. The ones that support the idea of organized group activities for keeping their children busy doing so with the vision of the traits that these events can instill in their kids; discipline, leadership quality, competitive nature, teamwork being a few of them along with the acquiring of new skills. Another advantage of these organized events is the ability to monitor and guide the behaviour of young ones who are still not being able to see the thin line between good and bad and thus can easily go wrong. whereas others that advocate the concept of kids learning to occupy themselves on their own do so with other ideas in the mind for the betterment of the child’s future. They see this as a tool for developing independence and becoming self sufficient at a tender age. Being on your own helps one to develop ones creativity and problem solving ability. It also teaches them to be more patient and calm. There is no denying to the fact that all the traits discussed above are important for the all round development and a bright future of the young ones, but being creative and patient is indispensable. Being always under controlled environment is like setting a bird in a cage or training a lion in a circus who forgets to hunt, therefore I suggest letting the kids feed their free time on their own in their own way for a greater good not only of their own but of the whole society.
Parenting has become the most difficult task nowadays, with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
giving more attention to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects of upbringing a child, than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. One such topic that concerns the parents and has become quite controversial in the recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
is regarding the engagement of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
during their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that children should
be encouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in organized group activities in their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others emphasize the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
learning to occupy themselves on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. This essay will discuss both these views and conclude with an opinion.

Every parent is a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well wisher
of their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
child and
they always aim for
overall
development of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
that support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of organized group activities for keeping their children busy doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
with the vision of the traits that these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
can instill in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
; discipline, leadership quality, competitive nature, teamwork being a few of them along with the acquiring of new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Another advantage of these organized
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
is the ability to monitor and guide the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
who are
still
not being able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the thin line between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
and
thus
can
easily
go
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
whereas
others that advocate the concept of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
learning to occupy themselves on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
in the mind for the betterment of the child’s future. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
this as a tool for developing independence and becoming
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self sufficient
at a tender age. Being on your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
one to develop
Did you mean "one's"?
ones
creativity and problem solving ability. It
also
teaches them to be more patient and calm.

There is no denying to the fact that all the traits discussed above are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the all round development and a bright future of the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
being creative and patient is indispensable. Being always under controlled environment is like setting a bird in a cage or training a lion in a circus who forgets to hunt,
therefore
I suggest letting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
feed their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way for a greater
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
of the whole society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay SOME PEOPE SAY THAT PEOPLE SHOULD ENCOURAGE THEIR CHILDREN TO TAKE PART IN ORGANISED GROUP ACTIVITIES IN THEIR FREE TIME. OTHERS SAY IT IS IMPORTANT FOR CHILDREN TO LEARN HOW TO OCCUPY THEMSELVES ON THEIR OWN. DICUSS BOTH THESE VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
364 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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