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Some parents decide to buy a car for their kids eighteen birthdays.

Some parents decide to buy a car for their kids eighteen birthdays. OVyOM
One of the first things that teenagers do after they become adults is getting a driver licence. Not everyone will be able to drive right away because they do not have a car. Some parents decide to help them and buy their kids a ride for their eighteen birthdays. There are advantages and disadvantages to this going-on. To begin with, right after getting a permit to drive a car anyone would love to ride as much as they can because it is new and exciting. Sadly, not everyone can afford to buy a wagon at the age of eighteen so they depend on their parent and run their auto only when allowed. Guardians want to do something special for their kids on this special birthday so they buy them a motor. Furthermore, when a teenager has an automobile, they are more independent. They can go grocery shopping instead of mom and dad or pick their sibling up from school. It is easier for the parents because they can receive much more help with household tasks and that is why they decide to buy their adult children a truck. On the other hand, young drivers tend to cause much more car accidents than experienced ones. Therefore, buying a machine for a teenage person can be a waste of money and repairing a motor could cost much more than the actual vehicle. Moreover, people appreciate things more when they had to earn for them themselves. If a young person had to work hours and collect money for months, they would be so very careful around the wagon. As for those who got the auto from their parents and did not have to work for it, they could break it easier and way faster. Summarizing, I think it is great that guardians want to help their children and buy them their first truck but not necessarily it would be a good thing. Of course, they could help them and maybe pay half price for the vehicle and the other half would be paid by the new owner. Whether they decide to do, they should always keep in mind that driving an automobile is a huge responsibility towards themselves and others.
One of the
first
things that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
do after they become adults is getting a driver
Possible spelling mistake. 'licence' is British English.
licence
. Not everyone will be able to drive right away
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not have a car.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
decide to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
their kids a ride for their eighteen birthdays. There are advantages and disadvantages to this going-on.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, right after getting a permit to drive a car anyone would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to ride as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
as they can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is new and exciting.
Sadly
, not everyone can afford to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
a wagon at the age of eighteen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they depend on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
and run their auto
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
. Guardians want to do something special for their kids on this special birthday
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
them a motor.

Furthermore
, when a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
has an automobile, they are more independent. They can go grocery shopping
instead
of mom and dad or pick their sibling up from school. It is easier for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can receive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
with household tasks and
that is
why they decide to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
their adult children a truck.

On the other hand
, young drivers tend to cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
more car accidents than experienced ones.
Therefore
, buying a machine for a teenage person can be a waste of money and repairing a motor could cost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
more than the actual vehicle.

Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
appreciate things more when they had to earn for them themselves. If a young person had to work hours and collect money for months, they would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
careful around the wagon. As for those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the auto from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and did not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work for it, they could break it easier and way faster.

Summarizing, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is great that guardians want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
their children and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
them their
first
truck
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
necessarily
it would be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing.
Of course
, they could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them and maybe pay half price for the vehicle and the other half would
be paid
by the new owner. Whether they decide to do, they should always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in mind that driving an automobile is a huge responsibility towards themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
.
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IELTS essay Some parents decide to buy a car for their kids eighteen birthdays.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
367 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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